Get Off My Lawn Podcast w/ Gavin McInnes

Before we get to the God Wheel, we look for Christmas card volunteers, honest tourism, and the new “uneducated” criticism MAGA Extremists are getting. Then, God encourages us to mock feminists, examine incompetence, and have a good laugh at Joy Reid’s smoke detector.

  If Kamala wins, the show will go on but we'll be broadcasting from a very different America. Not one with hope to stem the massive bleeding but a bloodless husk that resembles Venezuala much more than the country we knew and loved. Vote like your life depends on it. It does.

  In this, the World's Longest Episode, we mock Nouvelle Vague, ridicule "Will and Harper," lament the Weather Underground's 1981 Brink's robbery, condemn Adderall, prove God exists, denounce surrogacy, question machete fights, laugh at AOC, bomb Yahya Sinwar, praise Laura Loomer, shit on NASA, end Kamala's campaign, expose her clueless fans, defend Farrakhan, thank Lord Jamar, eviscerate Wajahat Ali, try to revive Jimmy Carter, question Jim Gaffigan, big up Scottish violence, enjoy HR logic, and force Tim Pool to quit.

  We need to bring cool sayings back, female comedians need to cut the sex talk out, Tommy Robinson needs to be free to protect kids, Ta-Nehisi Coates needs black friends, black female politicians need some meritocracy, Trump needs to be president, and Hawk-Tuah Harris needs to fuck off.

  In Gavin's last episode ever he bullies God into discussing Turkish dark wave, the Mets, the myth of imminent robots, his ACTUAL height, the anti-white origins of anti-Semitism, a brilliant golf hack, Jim Downey, feminist whore genocide, white guys for Kamala, violent trannies, Arynne Wexler, and finally the meanest letter ever sent to anyone, ever.

The bosses are back! It's time to catch up on drunk chicks, that union boss guy, the VP debates, and how close Anthony came to dying in Hurricane Helene.

  While Kamala visits spice stores because they call Republicans racist, our cats are being eaten by people who want us dead, and no, the Hells Angels are not coming to save us.

In this extra-long, free episode we cover our angry super, the Oasis reunion, Megyn Kelly kicking ass, Josh Lekach’s Sport Drink, great movies like “Land of Bad,” terrible movies like “Union,” Cumala’s insane tax policies, virgins in paradise, two-tier justice, creepy refugees, Marshfield Wisconsin’s obsession with demolition derbies, and the top 15 hottest women in America right now.

You can't kick perps in the head, female cops are still absolutely useless, perps should be shot in the foot, and most anti-cop songs are written by rich kids with guitars who have never experienced crime.

  Gavin got spotted in Berlin, Anthony was right about America and both of them have had enough of diversity-mongering.

Even if you live by the river, the collapse of the West affects us all. We've got trannie boxers beating our women and unassimilated foreigners stabbing our daughters. According to the authorities, the only thing worse than all this death and destruction is noticing.

  Thank God the wheel allowed us to discuss Trump's evisceration of that black chick from ABC and the trans Olympic negligence that led to Angela Carini having her entire world destroyed. He sent us to a lot of other topics too and the general theme appeared to be "They are lying."

There is too much to say to let God take the wheel so we go our own way with: Nuclear Moms, Mini Skirt, the Groove Ghoulies boycott of Dixxon, propagandist photographer Mark Peterson, Bevelyn Beatty's pro-life sentence, Hawk Tuah Harris' birth, Biden's death, Tommy Robinson's anti-immigration rally, Jennifer Aniston's baron womb, and black people swimming with their socks on.

Just because a lot of black women die during childbirth doesn't mean you killed them. Also, Gavin just got back from doing Roseanne Barr's podcast and the incompetence at the airport was alarming.

  After being interrogated by the BBC we let Jesus take the wheel and tell us what to talk about. He wasn't interested in Biden and forced us to examine aviation incompetence, abortion activists, pedophiles, and the fact that the CIA determines what news we get to watch.

After watching Trump absolutely BRUTALIZE Biden last night, there is a different feeling in the air. It feels like we're finally taking back this country. The God Wheel guides us to Proud Boys, good news from SCOTUS, and deranged perversions within the LGBT community. TGIF! GUEST: NICK OCHS

  The chick from Star Wars is a "silly racist," Big Special rock, Trump prosecutors are a joke, Ryan's wearing Crocs, and vigilantism is only acceptable if you are not white.

  We now think of Idiocracy five times a day. Tonight's show is a funeral for freedom as Alex Jones awaits his execution. We lighten the load with some zoomer sprinkles, retard Biden, gay for men, high heel shoes, and an in-depth look at all the incredible culture surrounding Pride Month.

  Anime is lame. So are video games. Your dog has been programmed to love you. It's a freak of nature. Biden thinks D-Day is gay but it's Johnny Rotten. Indian metal sucks. Be skeptical of rainbows.

Before letting the God Wheel take over, we discuss new HC bands, the negro league, some sprinkles, and the death of justice. Hide Content

  Before doing YET ANOTHER deep dive on Terrible Black Female Politicians we enjoy The Clash, Lambrini Girls, Morrissey, some sprinkles, Jasmine Crocket's false eyelashes, and Marjorie Taylor Greene's "bleach blonde, bad built, butch body."

  WTF is going on? Some blackademic retard pronounces EVERY graduates name wrong and nobody stops her. Ashton Whitty appears to be pursuing porn. Paid agitators are suing each other. Black Twitter is white. "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills."

  Waxahatchee rocks, Night Beats rules, Fallout rots, Dusty slays, Eric Mays dies, whitey has had enough, and an ugly cripple is the most beautiful woman in the world.

  A.I. is making better and better songs unless they mention Gavin's chin in which case they suck. College students have never been dumber, Biden has never been more lost, and white people have never said, "Black ass."

  After a full week of abuse, it appears our host has finally had enough.

  Urban decay is everywhere, you keep sending us the same videos, young people need to man up, and some people still don't know what a number two looks like.

  After making fun of a guy who got raped, we listen to Ryan get pretty much everything wrong including: black people just stopped wearing glasses, a movie he hasn't seen is probably good, Shanin Blake is living her best life, Mr Good Luck is real, and Pilipinos aren't funny.

  There's something very suspicious about this "Assume That I Can" video going around. Are predators using Special Needs as a stepping stone to preying on kids? Also, Nicki Minaj wrecks songs, j-Lo is not from the block, The Gentlemen looks good, and did Star Wars' Leslye Headland get turned out by Harvey Weinstein?

  After lamenting the lack of interest most people seem to have in their day-to-day, we tackle so much breaking news, there's no time for the God Wheel. Vybz Kartel is innocent, Don Lemon scolds Don Lemon, Nex Benedict offed itself, Gamergate 2.0 is here, YesJulz is fired, and a Puerto Rican shot a black dude on the subway.

We go over Biden's speech for the free part of the show and then laugh at a million silly tidbits behind the paywall.

  God takes the wheel every Friday and this week he takes us to deranged feminists, disturbing trannies, Kurt Russell, Jon Stewart, Tariq Nasheed, Jared Taylor, and a handicapped kid who draws cool animals.

The God Wheel controls today's double episode and apparently the big guy wants us to discuss strange black habits and gays behaving badly.

In order to show the freeloaders what we do here, Gavin crammed a normal episode into the first half. Then we did another one behind the wall. The God Wheel chose: Feminism, the War on Kids, the Competence Crisis, and LGBTQ.  

While Putin is giving Tucker half hour history lessons, our president thinks Egypt is Mexico and his son got his rosary "at the Lady of…” We are living in Retard Nation and actual handicapped people seem to be doing better than most of us. Also, James O’Keefe is on fire and the Proud Boys are under attack.

In this hodgepodge of an episode, we traipse through a variety of subjects including the Michigan shooter's mom, Wendy Williams' Adderall, Zoomer's tips, and AOC's cockamamie theories about Bronx thugs.

In this particularly grumpy episode, Gavin attacks delivery men, Ryan’s cookie receipt, Hari Kondabolu, Bezhani Sarvar, Justin Trudeau, Patriot Front, Joe Biden, Jon Stewart, and modern America.

  Trump is in a tear and the left are beginning to eat their own but before we discuss: Judas Priest is back, Eric Adams is Tracey Morgan, starving artists suck, girls can live underwater, women can freeze, Scott Peterson is still guilty, Jamar Bowman is retarded, Javier Milei rules, Rep. Barbara Lee is a liar, Vivek is VP, and Vikings are vehemently vapid.

  Writing a summary of this show is hard to do. It has been an incredible experience making content for the Baby Monsters but all things must pass. Thank you for all your support and God Bless.

  Ryan and Gavin catch up on each other's recent TV appearances, took calls, and simped on Pierce Brosnan's wife.

  This entire episode revolves around fifteen of the most incompetent black female politicians currently serving the public. Giving merit the middle finger didn't work for South African and it ain't workin here. We also discuss Jeremy Boreing's worst take yet, Ryan playing air guitar, Mayor Brandon Johnson blaming Chicago's crime on white supremacy, and finally, we take a bunch of your calls.

  More Dhar Mann mysteries, clarifying the firing of Cody Canuck, Mets fans and mental illness, the importance of drinking with coworkers, taking calls with back-to-front wipers, guys who moves to Alaska, and guys interested in buying motorcycles.

  Liberal women are thoroughly enjoy the teachings of Osama bin Laden, DeSantis loves spaghetti, Trump's gonna come, BrooklynDad is vermin, Chat GPT got dewoked, and Palestinians are beavers.

  Beauty is hard to attain, dead dogs make men cry, Kyle Dunnigan is still king, cumbrellas suck, face transplants are amazing, burnouts are retarded, so is Cori Bush, toddlers cannot be drag queens, trannies are losers, students don't know what Hamas is, the DHS are censoring us, and our justice system is a complete joke.

  Trump joined Iron Maiden, don't put your seat back, "I'm not sir" is cutting his dick off, Hells Angels are going to prison, gays are immune to pepper spray, someone at a shit sandwich, it's illegal to criticize Hamas, and the coolest kid in the world works at Giuseppe's Garage.

  Social media is tearing us apart and that's a good thing. We're getting better and they're getting worse. Jews are finally realizing they got the wrong bad guy. Archie Bunker doesn't get Archie Bunker. How to do Halloween.

  In this particularly cheery episode, we examine The Bleachers, trans rap, Golden Boy, Golden Hair, modern dance (thecarberrys), fake robots, Peter Thiel, grandpa Biden, Israeli intel, Elliot Page, Elliott Smith, AOC math, 4m immigrants/year, John Cassavetes, Sam Harris, and ramming a thief with your truck more than three times.

    After deep diving into AOC's farts, we laugh at Hamas, stand with Turtleboy, lament retardation, attack comedians, and discuss important chick stuff like choosing moths over babies and supporting Karens.

After Descartes a Kant, it's PB Brittania, shorts with black socks, Tyler Cherry - the gay spokesman for the Interior, antifa Celtics, African child abuse rituals, and even more on Ryan Carson being stabbed by Brian Dowling.

In the first episode after being reinstated by Twitter, @XGavinMcInnes, goes through every category we do here on GOML and gives a grumpy anecdote about each one.

We bash through about a thousand examples of the Competence Crisis with a whirlwind finale focussed on aviation.

After checking out five amazing Australian bands, we invent a TouchTunes game called "Ping Pong DJ" and try to figure out which New Yorker is more cringe: Jon Stewart or Michael Imperioli. Then, it's Mock Environmentalists O'Clock as Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm bullies her way across America trying to justify electric cars. The show ends with a deep dive into tranny suicide, ex-cons VS. Proud Boys, racist commercials, fednapping justice, and cringe rap from the 80s.

Mercedes repents, the ADL's Jonathan Greenblatt is a genocide denier, the moon landing is in question, Biden is still a complete joke, and The Replacements just knocked Van Halen and The Rolling Stones out of the top spot.

Free, shareable, but only a mere floof of the fullness we offer at Censored.tv Sign up today. The Censored.TV mug shot t-shirts have arrived! Also, Fox Business' Kennedy reclines her airplane seat, Jon Stewart's getting even worse, Michael Oher is retarded, Joe Rogan stumps Adam Conover, school buses are arriving six hours late, and Van Halen begins a five-part series determining what is the greatest rock band of all time.

After mocking Ministry for their terrible Proud Boys song, we go through some local news and then bash feminism au bout!

In a brazen attempt to show the freeloaders EVERYTHING we do on GOML, we crammed in a couple of stories from basically every general topic we cover: Green Screens, Feminism, War on Kids, LGBTQ, My Pet Biden, Competence Crisis, Racism, Proud Boys, Mail Bag, and Final Video all get their due. Finally, the subscribers get a special treat. Gavin translates Biden's gibberish into coherent English. Unfortunately, our intrepid host pays a hefty price.

Academia is falling apart as diversity hires make it to leadership positions, women are still under the impression they can fight, Joe Biden has completely lost the ability to speak, and white people still hate themselves. Oh well, there's always your family.

  This is FREE. You can have this one on the house, but get your life together and sign up already. Enough is enough, bitch. Promo code: ONEMONTH for a free month.   After mocking male feminists for raping chicks, we attack robots, meet a guy with two dicks, laugh at Kamala Harris, ridicule fake hunger strikes, watch Ryan's sex tape, and high five Britain for FINALLY winning the war on woke.

The Island Boys are in love, men are paying to be kicked in the balls, women are celebrating their loneliness, babies are being starved to death, and it's racist to object to riots. WTF is going on!? CORRECTION: The opening song is "Oligarchy" by DC duo Teen Mortgage.

This is less than half of the full episode, sign up you gaylord. The sequel. After some alternative music talk and a look at hipster porn star Joanna Angel, we finally find one of these racist white guys everyone's been talking about. Then, Kamala Harris tells us we have to, uh, something about not being burdened by the past. She said it 100 times but it's the least catchy catchphrase ever created.

Back from visiting hooligans on the lam, the G breaks down 10 things he’s learned about hard men. We also look at Queen, Sid Vicious, Paul Weller, Tim Pool, Emma Vigeland, Pit Bulls, and great dads.

  On this partially free Friday show, we hit some classic segments, like My Pet Biden, Feminism, and War on Cops. Then move on to discuss the new season of "I Think You Should Leave", Kevin Hart's terrible movie "Night School", drunk Tara Reid, and childless women who have pet bees.

  After an alarmingly brief free portion, we deep dive into the Danny Masterson rape charge because it seems fishy. Then, it's Joe Biden falling, Trump winning, and a swarm of illegals destroying New York City.

Deranged women are sabotaging their own corporations, young men are sexually mutilating themselves, cucks are cucksplaining, animals are attacking us, and the elites are turning an irrelevant schoolyard scrap into an international terror incident. Tommy tried to point out the latter and now he's going to prison.  GUEST: TOMMY ROBINSON

Here are 20 things from the movie Idiocracy that came true but before we get to that, check out Australian goth surf, Island Boys tattoo removal, Michael Rappaport’s Trump Derangement Syndrome, innocent Karens, and guilty of being white.

In this smorgasbord of an episode we dip our toes into, glongs, Linda, president Tucker, Gazi Kodzo, the evolution of rebellion, kangz, homosexual megalomania, right-wing schools, Biden's brain, and a whole bunch of laughing babies. GUEST: JOHN KINSMAN

Gavin wastes the whole show talking about how "diversity initiatives" have made flying incredibly dangerous. Also, new music, Cart Narc, Milo's back with Ye, Tucker being sexist, and leaked footage of Ryan arguing with his boss.

Tall people are never homeless, Biden's still useless, lesbians are living off the grid, it's nature - not nurture, Seth Rogan sucks, and it's time to put a ring on it.

Good for ages 5-15, the boys go through everything from "how to make friends" to "why are farts so funny?" It gets uncomfortable when we get into the "Stranger Danger" section but every other part is stupid and fun. Show this to your kids. It's safe. GUEST: JAIMEE MICHELL

Despite a brutal allergy attack, our intrepid host goes over Biden's latest gaffe, KJP's DUI, our national incompetence problem, the death of meritocracy, himbos ruining tough guy shows, summer looks, and the death of journalism. GUEST: Turtleboy

Gavin reads from his autobiography someone else wrote and then it's Proud Boys, sprinkles, spazmos, and Budweiser.

Don't sign old balls. Make your own museum. Don't butt in line. Spice your food. Don't pay reparations. Don't leave or come back to Detroit. Don't watch porn.

After indulging in cringe country and telling butters we live in a society, we analyze the subtle messages God leaves us through divine intervention. Then, we try to prevent gays from killing themselves.

Back from the St. Patrick's Day parade, we discuss bad marching bands, the lack of rapes, and Dylan Mulvaney's total inability to act female. Then, it's a deep dive on the ten most hateful people in America and how awesome they actually are. Finally, we try not to cry when a cancer-free dad takes his son to a Canucks game.

The mainstream left is finally realizing that Jan 6 was a hoax and antifa are the establishment but we've known all this for so long, we're like Ancien' Chinee Secreh.

  From now on THIS is the free show with the ads. We deliver a nice taste of our usual categories with feminist spinsters, the war on kids, my pet Biden, and some asshole named Antetokounmpo.

New cops join the show, along with famous producer Rick Ruben. Matty is very sick, and sits this one out. We watch some cop vids, take calls, and remember some great Trump moments.

The cops and the robber go through various pursuit videos and lament the lack of talented criminals these days. The gang also tries to figure out what percentage of cops are just assholes who were bullied in high school.

Bon Jovi's cowboy song is GAY / We investigate a suspiciously written ad read / The cops interrogate Matty / Black girls vs Police / "Yawner" teen criminals / Cool Trump / Project Veritas' biggest scoop yet / "James O'keefe" joins the show / Were we wrong about Nicole Arbour? / An ex-trans baby monster calls in / We meet "Jane" O'keefe

It appears to be Sylvia's last show as a slew of cops show up and turn the whole thing into pigs VS. perps.

Sylvia's got no love for the fuzz because they won't let her get back with the guy who beat the shit out of her.

Callers tell us cops what we got wrong about burglaries. It's gay. (Full episode only on Censored.tv)

What's worse: John Leguizamo in The Pest or Croc Martens?   (Full episode only on Censored.tv)

Ryan makes his suit worth it by become a gay Joker the whole show.

After analyzing Ye's philosophy, we take 100 calls and advise a newlywed to give up on the evil bitch who just canceled their marriage after 15 months.

Trooper Dickman pops by so we talk about the 25 LAPD recruits who were run over by a stoned Mexican. This leads to a whole series of videos showing what it's like to be a cop these days.

What other show has 79-year-old abortionists screaming at Catholics, prison stories, calls from prison, fist fights, virgins, Weird Al, Joe Biden, Elon Musk, and two different Jesse Lee Petersons arguing with each other?

Terrence Howard has some new "owdest symbos" and everyone pretends he's not insane. Then, we take a hundred calls and learn listening to music is gay.

State Trooper Dickman pops by and we do a deep dive on the dangers of Drag Queen Story Hour.  

Our host realizes his head of sales is not his head of sales but a prankster who got inside the company and totally Andy Kaufman-ed them! Also, shit went down at Compound and we have the footage!

From now on, if you don't have the Sprinkles, you have the shartles. Also, Linewives VS. Bucket Bunnies, bar culture, weak men, Butt Boys, Ignoble Beard, and cops being punished just for trying to do their job.

Typos aside, Matty and the boys look at pictures of pretty girls and RATE them. Then, it's a lot of military callers complaining about the woke destruction of their world.

Sylvia's back and she inspires us to go back in time and examine comedy greats like Lenny Bruce.

Live show is early this month so Ryan can take his baby to Disney. Matty describes what it’s like to get out of prison. Spoiler alert - it’s complicated.

Ryan, Matty, and Gav go through a song with 50 rappers on it and take apart every single line they say.

Matty leaves for vacation so our intrepid host scrambles to fill the hole with Slyvia and Linda. They both say no so Ryan makes do with some funny imitations that go nowhere.

Swamped by new mail and calls, we plow through and try to cover important news like fake Proud Boy implications on this FBI attack and the ridiculous assumption that Britney Spears is a bad mom.

After trying to figure out why some dude in a giant costume would avoid black kids, we take a bunch of calls including some dude who accidentally got a chick pregnant but proudly declares he doesn't eat hipster food.

The guys discuss the newly announced Sino-Russo reserve currency, Matty regales us with stories of guns and nearly dying, and for some reason Ryan is wearing only a bulletproof vest.

We try to watch Day 8 of the Jan 6 hearings but we'd rather talk to Matty about his cellmates like Christopher Rocancourt who convinced the world he was a Rockefeller and bilked people out of millions. We also check in on wet farts, vomit, and our old pal Gazi who is facing some pretty serious sodomy charges.

We introduce a new friend who doesn't actually show up but there's letters from prison and angry flat earthers telling us we got it all wrong.

We go through the stultifying lack of meritocracy in Western politics and laugh at the glaring incompetence these affirmative action hires bring the world. We also talk to a lot of new parents about how awesome it is to have kids.

We spend the first half of the show mocking NYT's Alan Feuer for his pathetic NPR interview where he appears convinced anyone who disagrees with him is literally Hitler.

Live at noon we go through breaking news with NY gun laws and Jan 6 delays. At the end of the show, we realize Biden did something even grosser than ruining the country.

Clown World's version of what our world is so far from reality, it's basically a cartoon. We don't want gays reading to kids just because they're gay? We wanted to kill Mike Pence? We tried to take over the most powerful country in history? This is Smurfs.

Gavin, Ryan, and Matty (Syl is still ill) enjoy Matt Walsh's new trans movie, Chin Diesel, and the thirty or so years the Rollins Stones were as good as Rancid.

At the beginning of the show we're given a bunch of cute kids to hang out with but two hours later, they are ripped away from us forever.

We open a hundred t-shirts from hi-vis fans and lament the death of Otis Redding.

Ryan gets a new nickname and Sylvia is back from the hospital and ready to talk dirty! ALL FREE CONTENT WILL NOW BE AVAILABLE AT CENSORED.TV

We bring a cop and a criminal on the show to try to understand why they're so similar.

Our intrepid host declares war on his own family because they totally ignored him while he searched for his glasses for an entire day despite the fact that they were responsible for misplacing them. In protest, Gavin is wearing the shirt that held said glasses the same way Mattress Girl carried the mattress she was raped on. The hope is - obviously - it raises awareness about elder abuse. GUESTS: LIBS OF TIKTOK, MERCEDES CARRERA

Musk has $45b for Twitter, Florida told Disney to fuck off, CNN+ is done, and Johnny Depp has been vindicated. What a banner day here in Clown World!

From a real bad shooting in Grand Rapids, Michigan to cochlear implants, Coca-Cola, and squirrels playing basketball.

After laughing at Biden's inability to form a sentence and getting horrified by how unbelievably gay Disney has become, the boys get inundated with relationship advice questions and save marriage after marriage after marriage.

Fans call in and thanks us for screaming: "Put a ring on it. Make some babies. You've been partying for over a decade. If you haven't sown your wild oats by now, you are mentally ill."

Ryan's gets his testosterone results in and it's not good. Also, stop playing video games, trans is still funny, and we make a sign for Gavin's bar "Gav's Tav" live on the air.

A powerfully inebriated Gavin plows through hours of calls in a blackout.

Dua Lipa is in trouble for stealing songs but did she? What's stealing a song?

The gang sits down to discuss sex, love, and marriage.

Turns out, the chimp knows a thing or two about Ukraine. Also, dancehall sucks.

The Baby Monsters try to change their name to Pool Shitters and fail.

We avoid the mailbag and take calls while extolling the virtues of the local pub.

We talk to Gavin's brother about the convoy until he almost freezes to death.

While the radical left tries desperately to "dismantle the nuclear family," we need to bear down and stop allowing liberal whims to destroy our children's lives. We also get some good advice about our boombox.

We go through some purple flag letters but Matty is as reticent as he is lugubrious.

We raise money for Max and John while taking calls, letters and superchats from everyone in the world.

This extra special episode is 100% devoted to January 6th. We speak to patriots facing serious prison time and the lawyers defending them. The left calls this day worse than 9/11 but the rest of know what's really going on. It's all political theater. GUESTS: NICK QUESTED, JOHN PIERCE, JESSE SMITH, NICK OCHS, DAN HALL, MICHAEL GRAVES, JAMES O'KEEFE

Kyle Rittenhouse lawyer John Pierce joins Matty, Gavin, and Ryan to defend himself and answer your questions.

Life without Ryan is taking a turn and what we thought we would be a painless transition is becoming very difficult.

Gavin is unable to drop this thing and rants for an hour about some esoteric hippies from the 60s who killed a security guard.

While we all enjoy Baby Monsters, we need to watch our tempers and not go to jail based on some bullshit Coco did.

Ryan returns to the fray on Veteran's Day and we discuss all things war.

Full show only on Censored.tv

Gavin stumbles in drunk and cuts the show an hour short.

After discussing the need to burn masks, we focus on letters to Matty, and Ryan debuts a masterful Jim Goad impression, with the help of his face swap technology.

Matty and the boys laugh at The Rock and criticize Ryan's wardrobe.

Our three Musketeers of Inebriation plow through the 2024 election and the bird which is the bald eagle.

Turns out, heart surgery isn't such a big deal and Matty's going to be just fine.

We are no longer trying to argue with people who have a slightly different view of the world. We are arguing with mentally handicapped lunatics who think we want to round up handicapped kids and murder them.

We go over the best music Ryan has ever created and discover it reeks.

Possibly our last episode with Matty. He's going into heart surgery soon and who knows what's going to happen?

After freaking out about hurricane Ida we check in on Joe Rogan's Corona and then learn our fellow Scotsman Matty hasn't watched the best Glaswegian sitcom of all time, Still Game.

Matty and the boss sift through piles of shit to find tiny particles of gold.

Matty and Gavin watch a gay Chinese man eat live grubs and then they rag on Britain.

We sit down with Matty and try to figure out how many chicks is too many chicks and why cops don't get along with their criminal family members (the second one's not that hard).

We give up on covering major news stories, and just focus on the letters page and calls.

After making fun of self-parenting, we take a call from jail, check the mailbag for freaks, and learn the IRS is Minority Report.

Just a bunch of hosers out for a rip, eh?

The most successful hipster in the world just got canceled for saying Andy Ngo is brave. Also, the war on cops, our incompetent FBI, tattletale journalists, and a $1,000 contest to make GOML backdrops.

After a tough year, we finally lose our ability to take calls and now the lights are off. Where do we go from here?

After having a good laugh at the NYT's Maya Gay for thinking the American flag is racist, we dive deep into 90 Day Fiancé's Big Ed and marvel at how great he is at ruining women's lives.

After trying to figure out Gavin's terrible taste in music, we catch up with Andy Ngo, Tom Myers, and Neekolul.

The media asked Biden what kind of ice cream and promptly orgasm when he tells them. Also, Felonious Floyd protecting the bird that is the bald eagle and the horrible whiteness of "rugged individualism."

In this raging hodgepodge of a show, we go from random comments about terrible TV shows to the Final Video, then back to the Mail Bag and finally, we take some of the worst calls in the history of this network.

Our military has been infiltrated by fat chicks and it's making Russia laugh. We also look into DIY culture and realize we've arrived at a serendipitous resurgence.

After mocking some terrible movies, we check in on the state of free speech and realize the powers that be are determined to punish us for wanting to listen to someone else.

In this surprisingly LGBTQ episode, we look at Biden's gay speech and commit to making more t-shirts of his typos. Then we laugh at the state of education and proms today before taking a ton of calls. Oh, and Gavin cries like a bitch at the end.

The lunatics are running the asylum. They've convinced themselves all cops are racist and no matter what we do, the entire country is one big klan rally. Don't get mad and don't get even. The solution to this madness is simple: laugh.

Gavin bitches about his parents and then takes a ton of calls from people who are really there, like the lady who taught that guy who killed his family and the guy who saved fighter pilots from getting shot.

Do Scottish people really care about their clan and what tartan it represents? Gavin's dad has some bad news.

This episode is all calls and extra short because we were shooting Compound Censored. We highly recommend you stay until the last call.

After subjecting ourselves to Netflix's "Yes Day" we up the ante with more self abuse including Red, Wine, and Blue as well as closeted gay liberals singing about the vaccine, er, sorry, the "jab."

We got a little too happy on this episode and it would probably be worth deleting if we hadn't literally called the New York Times on their bullshit. GUEST: Alan Feur

Just because the host is drunk and late doesn't mean it's not going to be a great show. It is! We look at more killed cartoons, my pet Biden, Burger King, and the strange predominance of mixed race couples in commercials.

We welcome a new sponsor and then take calls the ENTIRE show!

Not only is the radical left totally okay with the state of South Africa, they think it would be nice if we followed suit. No thanks.

Don't run into the wood chipper and sabotage your life just to "get fired" but don't live a lie and be someone else just to maintain some shitty job you hate. RIP Rush Limbaugh and God Bless Tucker Carlson.

If you use fire juggling and other circus procedures to express yourself, you are officially gay. Also, the myth of alt-right comedy and Trump telling Proud Boys to storm the Capitol via a secret ear piece.  

How can this not be the end of the club? It’s illegal to buy a Proud Boys hat in Canada because you’d be funding terrorism. Are you allowed to drink a beer with a Fred Perry on. This is just the beginning, folks. Soon everyone to the right of Stalin is going to be on a watchlist. Also, what did Marjorie Taylor Greene actually say and why did the right ignore the funeral of Officer Sicknick?

The news says the head of Proud Boys is actually an FBI informant but the evidence doesn't seem to add up.

We get totally inaugurated on this episode as the emperor of McDonald's explained why she flew to earth and saved humanity from itself.

America is not just a First Amendment country. It's a country that relies on the First Amendment for its existence. They are taking that away from us so we're going to take it back.

The end of Trump's presidency is a lot like the end of Animal House where angry Americans give one last F-You to the system that's been crapping on them for four years straight.

After discussing the origins of Santa, we implore Jews to enjoy him too. Then, we open some presents, read mail from prison and make fun of the "president elect" for being a retard.

We crammed in a typical episode into the first half hour of this episode so the freeloaders could see what they're missing.

We are living in a teenager's brain. Every radical thought you had when you were 16 is now considered mainstream.

The Internet went down! But before it does, we check in on Scott LoBaido and the rally he just held for Mac's Public House. GUEST: SCOTT LOBAIDO

Tomorrow is a big day. We want you to maintain your relationships with your family. PLEASE! Also, lots of major Electiongate updates. It appears the Kraken has been released.

Calls include: lies about Lynyrd Skynyrd, stolen valor, manta shrimps, a BLM fight, and Vietnam Vets who became secret service killers.

We do only calls for the live show starting today and for Veteran's Day we only take vet calls. Turns out, they're just like us only braver.

After staying up all night partying, it appears the rest of the country is not yet aware Trump won.

More Hunter conspiracy theories but isn't it weird that Jews in Philadelphia are being attacked by BLM and the bible predicted every single detail of the confrontation right down to the location?

We were going to call this ep "Bullshit Tornado Fortnight" but promoting Amanda Milius' film is too important. Proud Boys are Iran, Giuliani grabbed his dick, and Hunter Biden did nothing wrong. We are in a disinformation hurricane and Amanda's film nails it. GUEST: AMANDA MILIUS

Why is anyone surprised that Johnny Rotten is voting for Trump? John is working class and he votes the way they vote.

After 24 hours of insisting not racist people are not racist, we abandon the subject and make fun of Hulk Hogan - but not in that order.

Modern leftist ethos seems predicated on nothing but myths. No, you don't need to "see it to believe it." No, Harvard grads are not successful because they want to Harvard. No, cops are not hunting black people for sport. None of these things are true but they dictate the national conversation like they're facts. We are living under the tyranny of the wrong. Full episode on Censored.tv

In an attempt to cover for Gavin, the supreme overlord of the FagZone hosts the live show. Calls are taken, pointless rambling occurs, and free stuff is given away.

Ryan and Gavin settle down in a bathtub to explain this weeks catastrophe.

Zoos are good for lunatics, antifa’s getting spanked, Mustard Man had a gun, Nancy got setup, and of course, drawings and phone calls.

We avoid politics on this live show and indulge in silly stories about the bar, the gym, and our inability to work our own damn soundboard.

We go through some of our favorite flics and try to decide if new “Not Left” movies such as “The Plot Against the President” and “Shadowgate” are all they’re cracked up to be.

Censored’s newest contributor joins us to discuss the Dallas Cowboys, Kamal Harris, and the lack of unity on the right. Then, we make some doodles and take some calls.

Why did we stop going live? Was it Covid denial? Was it mocking the rioters? Was it praising Barr? Occam's Razor says it was Ryan. Let's go with that.

After we realize how weird it is when a dude you used to hang out with has a new friend, we have a close look at Johnny Depp's acting and discover it sucks.

You show us police brutality and we see officers following police procedure after a ton of warnings. This isn’t about justice or brutality or racism. It’s about brats who want to throw snowballs at cars without any repercussions. Unfortunately, it’s working.

We try to convert our new contributor to the glory of God but quickly realize it's going to take a while.   Full ep on Censored.tv

The left is cannibalizing itself. Stop kissing their asses and trying to appease them. They won’t spare you. They’ll kill you first.

While everyone we love is getting banned (the Censored Discord was shut down as we shot this show) a mass exodus to Parler is happening and it smells like freedom. We also mock Chaz and take calls.

Our pizza guest from earlier in the week has been canceled for appearing on our show and so has his police charity. It’s yet another example of the moderate right kowtowing to the radical left.

The Alt Left has created their own utopia in Seattle and guess what, it sucks. Their first leader was a lesbian rapist and she was replaced by a rapping warlord who was also quickly deposed. Homeless people ate all their food and they're waiting for vegan snacks.

With the studio boarded up, we’re forced to do a show from home. Our intrepid host is in Lake George while his bumbling sidekick is pulling up links from his apartment. We can’t take calls or do giveaways but the general consensus is, these riots have changed America forever. We’ve gone from “us and them” to an even MORE polarized separation where we agree to disagree and separate for good. We are in the throes of an American divorce.

We devote this entire episode to the riots surrounding George Floyd’s death. What is the logic behind these protests? How does burning down a Wendy’s prevent racism and police brutality?

We are living in an American where Big Brother doesn’t have to show up for work. We voluntarily film everyone’s transgressions and call the police as each one happens. How did we get here?

The CUT asks, “Are you racist?” and white people trip over themselves to take the blame. Then, we accuse Seinfeld of ripping off Maniscalco and give away free booze.

In front of the paywall, we try to understand why Netflix’s WACO has so many v-neck sweaters in it. Behind closed doors, we unleash a torrent of newly discovered SPLC crimes. part 2 only on Censored.TV

After a feminist intro to Nikki Glaser and Scottish legends the Cocteau Twins, we dive deep into the mailbag and try to take a bit out of this endless cake of content.

We avoid the virus once again and try to figure out why cars are so ugly these days? Is it women’s fault? Garage Rehab’s Chris Stephens joins us and tries to solve the problem. But first, we explore Forrest Gump, booze safes, and how weird Penn Station at night.

Full episode only on Censored.tv in full HD video. After mocking news anchors stupid houses, we pull back the curtain and check out Ryan's disgusting apartment where we've been shooting this show for the past couple weeks. Then, it's cringe watching Cardi B and taking a TON of calls.

We drive from Brooklyn to the East Village to the USNS Comfort to Times Square to Radio City Music Hall examining an abandoned NYC.

We've had enough of coronavirus so this episode is mostly about the brutal suicide rate of NYPD cops this year. We're over one a month because the people of New York City have been taught that cops don't matter. - GET OFF MY LAWN with Gavin McInnes (Mon-Thurs) - GOML LIVE (Thursdays at 9pm Eastern) - FRIDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT with Milo Yiannopoulos (Fridays at 8:30pm Eastern) - BIGGS with Joe Biggs (New Ep Weekly) - PUNK ROCK PATRIOT with Johnathon Miranda (New Ep Weekly) - SOPH (Exclusive Content) - LOOMERED with Laura Loomer ...there's way more. Also: Speakeasy Conversations with Roger Stone, Candace Owens, Cornel West, Dinesh D'Souza, Ann Coulter, Gina Belafonte, Michael Eric Dyson, Michael Shermer, Marc Lamont Hill, Milo Yiannopoulos and More...

In this extra long DOOZIE of an episode we pooh pooh the virus, big up Trump, showcase every song written about Corona and then take just about every call in the world. Part 2 only on Censored.TV

After indulging in Marianne Williamson’s prayer for coronavirus we come to the conclusion this is nothing to worry about and everyone is overreacting. We then jump to post op tranny child Jazz Jennings and the sick culture of encouragement this poor boy is surrounded by. Finally, it’s a ton of calls from just about everywhere on earth.

This show is dedicated to Gavin’s family babysitter who has decided she wants to be a journalist. It’s a strange career to pursue with many avenues but we cover them all in this episode.

This is a special ep where Gavin updates everyone on the past two days at CPAC. Getting kicked out, confronting lefty journalists, covering Jacob Wohl's latest bombshell and more.

On this special vacation episode, we go over the past month’s and get to stories we missed. This includes Patrick Stewart bequeathing a Star Trek spot to Whoopie Goldberg and the seemingly endless disregard the left has for our kids.

This ep is off the cuff as we just wing it and talk about Ezra, Roger Stone, and Milo because we love them. The call ins are particularly good this week as a housewife schools us on the importance of chivalry.

After discussing our recent ban from Instagram, we realize everyone who even remotely associates with us is banned from Instagram AND Facebook. Ryan lost all the pictures of his ethnically ambiguous cousins. This brings us to the fear of "hate" and how illegitimate it is. Then we kick off the freeloaders and take some calls.

After making fun of “decolonize this place” for planning a massive attack on the NYC subways, we go over Ryan’s Trump rally footage and realize he did a pretty good job. Then, it’s about 1,000 calls which makes this the longest GOML LIVE ever.

We spend this entire episode petrified YouTube is going to ban us. We talked about sex and the horror of having a gay son. We even defended homophobia. There is no way we are going to last on this platform making Thursdays free.

After Gavin and Ryan argue so much it almost comes to blows, we watch an instructional video on how to fight and then focus on pussy whipped celebrities such as Jordan Peele, Jimmy Kimmel, Howard Stern, and Anthony Bourdain (RIP). Then, it's a bunch of callers giving terrible advice.

While exploring the greatest hits of the week and going through Harvey Weinstein's charges, we step into the ring and demonstrate the best way to kick the crap out of professional boxers. Then we take a heap of calls and there is a ton of advice giving to the kids today.

2019 was the clowniest Clown World year ever! So, we compiled the 19 most Clown World moments of 2019 and ordered them from least clowniest to most clowniest.

(Part 2 only on Censored.tv) That's where we get to do stuff that YouTube would poo-poo us for. GOML LIVE streams on FreeSpeech.tv every Thursday, taking your calls and hitting on all the things that are fun and good. Episode Description: What did you get for Christmas? Was it cool? Did someone try to steal it? In this quick episode we catch up on letters and marvel at how far down the alien rabbit hole UK has gone with their trans hysteria. We catch glitter bomb guy lying, again and then we take a bunch of calls including, guess who? more Groypers.

Some chick who got caught sleeping with her sources just wrote a story for the New York Times that applauds the police for shifting their focus away from Islamic terrorism and over to whitesupremists. This forces us to revisit the biggest shootings of the past ten years and prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt that Nazis are not a thing ESPECIALLY in Manhattan. Grow up, Clown World! Oh, and then we take a bunch of calls and hear about a guy who can't graduate from Spanish class until he attends a seminar on white privilege. No, we're not kidding.

The left wants billionaires to pay for everything but their debts are in the trillions. That's not how math works. We also take a ton of calls and get mad at David Cross for advocating censorship.

Pre-taped ep with call ins, laughs and merriness. Enjoy!

After laughing at the audacity of Jussie Smollet and students who can’t bear the thought of Ann Coulter saying words, we focus on a video of some college republican who blurts out “call the police” when a fat girl waves some paper at him. We really need better adrenaline control, guys. We also briefly go over the week’s highlights and take a TON of calls.

After hearing from some crazy old lady who thinks the “end is nigh” because YouTube is updating their terms on December 10th, we go back over the week and look at some of the more ridiculousness moments from the past week. Lots of people cried (Tim Hunt was right), lots of people got free inventions, and lots of people realized Don Cherry did nothing wrong. After the first hour, we go behind the paywall and take about a million calls.

(Part 2 only on Censored.tv) That's where we get to do stuff that YouTube would poo-poo us for. GOML LIVE streams on Censored.TV every Thursday, taking your calls and hitting on all the things that are fun and good. EPISODE DESCRIPTION: Just getting back from covering the Roger Stone trial in DC. We recap some moments throughout the trip, and present our final filming there, that Ryan fucked up, because Gavin got him very drunk. In the ep, Milo and Gavin call Amtrak to investigate why Milo's ticket home was terminated. We learn some troubling and sad things about the girl behind the "water attack" on Milo and Gavin, and much more.

Halloween is about appropriation. Everyone who dresses up is ripping off the gaelic culture of Samhain but that’s ok. We don’t mind. The humorless left, however is so uptight, they have the New York Times bitching about hilarious memes. This brings us to sex with your wife, women in bars, solar cars, and Deadspin employees quitting their jobs because they have to talk about sports. 

Before taking calls and laughing at Vin, we briefly revisit the myth of online radicalization and laugh at some mommy blogger who thinks "too sensitive" is a hate term that turns kids into mass shooters. We also check out a spooky house and wonder if Edward Snowden ultimately helped the country more than he hurt it.

(Part 2 only on Censored.tv) That's where we get to do stuff that YouTube would poo-poo us for. GOML LIVE streams on Censored.TV every Thursday, taking your calls and hitting on all the things that are fun and good. After freaking out about the Mexican chick in Hobbs and Shaw, a caller asks why some guys are tit guys and some guys are ass guys. We then talk to a couple guys of Proud boys who are being attacked by "civil rights" groups for, I don't know, being employed? Turns out, a lot of these anti-hate groups are really just anti-Trump groups and they care more about getting illegals to vote than they do any real "social justice." Finally, we go through a boat load of letter and take a TON of calls.

(Part 2 only on Censored.tv) That's where we get to do stuff that YouTube would poo-poo us for. GOML LIVE streams on Censored.TV every Thursday, taking your calls and hitting on all the things that are fun and good. GOML LIVE #16 | THE FEMALE BRAIN We cover a lot of ground here but before things get heavy, we try to figure out the difference between a funny Wack Pack type and exploitation of the mentally ill. We also take a look at race mixing in commercials, Meow Wolf, China, lesbian lawyers, Lyndon LaRouche, Jonathan Swift, and cops who tried to put me in prison for 15 years.

(Part 2 only on Censored.tv) That's where we get to do stuff that YouTube would poo-poo us for. GOML LIVE streams on Censored.TV every Thursday, taking your calls and hitting on all the things that are fun and good. GOML LIVE #15 | TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME Before we peel back all the layers of the TDS onion we try to figure out if we just heard a fart on Conan. Powertie joins us to discuss his viral video but we hang up on him because it was taking away from the beauty of his art. Then, we take a huge pile of calls including one from Nate Ober where we could barely make out his stupid face.

We take a good look at Clown World and realize it’s mostly based in LA. Adam Schiff represents LA. Prancing ninnies like Jonathan Van Ness are from LA. Fake scientists like Terrence Howard is in LA. Time to cut them off. We also take calls, check in on the perpetually confused Greta Thunberg, and give a last ditch attempt to raise money for Roger Stone (StoneDefenseFund.com) and the remaining NYC9 Proud Boys (FundTheWest.org). Guest: Jack Posobeic

After checking in on possibly the biggest loser in the world, we go through the latest news including El Chapo's dead lover, Justin Trudeau in blackface, #MeToo, and Lilly Singh's horrible new show. Then, we talk to callers but not before breaking down the five levels of antifa which goes from the bottom (the orphans) to the top (the billionaires).

In this Greatest Hits vidcast of the podcast we show highlights from our interview with Michelle Malkin and Laura Loomer and then call Sweden to talk to Angry Foreigner about the complete shithole Sweden is becoming. Before that, it's a deep dive into the life and times of Daniel Johnston, songwriting, and what to do about mental illness. We also compare Bill Burr to Whitney Cummings and Sebastian Maniscalco.

In this extra-special, ad-free, bonus episode of the podcast, we focus exclusively on my experience September 11th, 2001 when I was living in the Lower East Side and had assumed nothing could go wrong with the world. It was a life-changing day and we all said, “Never forget.” Then, we forgot.

After discussing the massive brawl at my gym today, we talk about the fire station that was shut down because one of the fireman is a Proud Boy. This opens up a conspiracy theory about Charlottesville and the organizers dad as well as a brief look at what generation had the scariest music. Finally, we take a boat load of calls and discover that women who quit their jobs to focus on kids end up happy, fulfilled, and facing a bright future of infinite love.

After chasing nude men around and getting high with teenagers, we take some calls and wonder if we took on too many sponsors.   (VIDEO VERSION ON CENSORED.TV)

After laughing at a fat guy who thinks his moobs are sexy, we check in on antifa and how deeply ingrained in the system despite having a death toll that just hit 17. Then we take a bunch of calls and end with some viral videos including the manliest man in Britain.

Pre-taped call-in Episode. Do women really turn into their mothers? It seems like looking at a girl's mom can be a time machine into her future. We take some calls and Gavin wraps up the show up with some air drums.

I sparred with three guys today and had a pretty rough time trying to stay alive in the ring. Once again, 90% of the problem is mental and it’s the fear that tires you out. We take a ton of calls and re-explained the story behind the “I Like Your New Sunglasses” shirt.

After making fun of a terrible Sylvester Stallone movie about prisons, we go over highlights from the second DNC presidential candidate debates. It was gaffe after gaffe and they call culminated with Joe Biden telling us to go to Joe 30330 whatever the hell that means. We then sit down with Matt Palumbo to discuss his new book “Debunk This! Shattering Liberal Lies” and finally, we take about 100 calls.

(Formally titled "Get Off My Lawn podcast/vidcast" but these live shows should be distinguished from the audio podcasts) We begin discussing one of the most awkward interviews of all time and posit theories on why the guy was so nervous. This brings us to the story about a cool barmaid who just became a mom after having what sounds like one of the worst childhoods imaginable. Turns out divorce and heroin are not a great way to raise a young girl. Then, we take calls and talk more about songs that are ripoffs of other songs.

We begin the show by discussing NYC’s DA who told my old boss they want every episode of The Gavin McInnes Show. They are trying to get evidence to prosecute the Proud Boys, particularly our buddy Big John. He has a black wife and black kids so proving he’s a member of a hate group is going to be a stretch. Especially because she’s the one who suggested it. Then, we switch gears and talk about Ryan going to a nude beach, which is gross. Finally, a Mail Bag special where we examine the worst letters we’ve ever received.

After carefully discussing a visit by the DA and two detectives at 8 in the morning, we talk about women in that weird part of the world where China meets Eastern Europe. Turns out, their feminists are fat and ugly too. This leads to a discussion on shithole countries and the idiots who get murdered there while trying to prove they’re actually wonderful places to be. When we get to the call in portion of the show, it goes so poorly it becomes funny in a so-bad-it’s-good way.

In this Free Tommy / Free Stone super episode, we sit down with Tommy Robinson and Roger Stone and hear their side of the story. Turns out, Tommy didn’t encourage vigilanteism. He encouraged journalism. Also, Roger didn’t collude with Russia or facilitate Wikileaks. He forgot about a random email from Julian Assange. Later, we examine this new trend in feminism where bitchiness is seen as an empowering trait because it looks powerful. It’s not. You just seem like a person that sucks to hang out with. Oh yeah, we take calls and make fun of men who cry. NOTE: This is a vidcast of the free podcast so we make it black and white to differentiate it from the daily Get Off My Lawn show which is in color. Go to Censored.TV today and sign up for tons more daily content just like this. You’ll enjoy yourself. It’s fun.

As someone against segregation, I feel I can speak freely about how surprisingly mainstream voluntary segregation has become. Isn’t this wrong? Is it OK to have separate drinking fountains if we asked for them? Also, I know I said we’re not doing these without involving Censored.TV anymore but I had to get this subject off my chest as it’s been plaguing me all week. We won’t be doing the call in thing this Thursday because I’m on vacation and doing that Free Speech rally in DC but we will be live streaming it on the site. Boy, I hope I don’t get killed.

The audio is still free but it’s live streamed on Censored.TV where you can call in and ask stupid questions like, “What’s with your face?” We covered the DNC Debates that happened last night but they were so boring we opted to rate the female candidates on a 1-10 scale. Turns out the DNC’s best option is the flaxen-haired Hawaiian, Tulsi Gabbard. The calls range from women thanking us for venerating housewives to some Czechoslovakian who refuses to admit Czechoslovakia sucks.

Gavin allegedly may have broken into the train yards to find the phone he left there last night. This is not a confession. The cop that helped him was a wonderful women but are tiny, female, cops really helpful to the force? We’re told they’re good for domestics but tell that to the tiny female cop in Sacramento who was just killed on the job. Once again, in the quest to prove everyone is equal, we are hurting the people we purport to help.

Now available in vidcast format on Censored.TV! We dive deeper into the Max Landis controversy because it really sums up how totally lame millennials are - no original ideas and happy to pillory someone outside of the courts because doing it through social media is just more convenient. The male bag reveals old people wear terrible shoes and it is BRUTAL being a single 29-year-old woman in today’s dating climate.

We celebrate a belated Father’s day by going over fight stories and making fun of all the jerks who want to trivialize fatherhood because it feels like you’re smashing the patriarchy and that’s supposed to be a good thing. Ryan doesn’t have a dad but I do so let’s talk about him.

Just as the rain really started to come down, I have completed my ark and loaded the last couple of giraffes. Please climb aboard and register with Censored.TV. We are the only place where you see the right and the left talking to each other in a fun, honest, and totally uncensored way.

It was a helluva weekend with three big stories dropping about free speech and yours truly. After covering those scoops, we look at the media’s obsession with promoting drag kids and making everything gay. Why are hockey games being interrupted with videos of “gay” kids in drag? Are they trying to immaculate athletes or is it just bored women at marketing companies choosing the most colorful thing on their To Do list? Us normal dads are starting to get annoyed.

We’re not sure why but I mention “outer space” about a hundred times in this womencentric episode. Basically, avoiding women when you’re married is a way of showing respect to the woman’s husband and also your wife. Flirting isn’t worth the headache so why bother? We also dip into the mail bag and ready what is easily the gayest letter we’ve ever received.

I was recently contacted by NYT reporter Rob Kuznia about my aversion to pornography. Apparently, some sex columnist who calls herself Lux Alptraum claims it’s anti-Semitic. The logic pretzel you need to get to this conclusion is a great example of Clown World journalism and how far papers like the New York Times have fallen. Social Justice Warriors aren’t just blogging at HuffPo anymore. They are at formerly reputable papers like NYT and Washington Post. They’re also on MSNBC and CNN. Antifa and Medium are reputable sources and if someone has a Word doc that says the president paid whores to pee on Obama’s bed, well that’s all the proof we need. What was once an exclusive is now an amateur orgy where the password to get in is, “Nazi.” We also go deep into the Mail Bag and discover our listeners insults could do with a tune-up.

More boxing talk before discussing how incredibly funny I am and how every joke has several layers of meaning. This is illustrated by some mediocre sketch ideas. Also, follow me on Telegram, RealGavinMcInnes.

As the title insists, we catch up on mail.

Getting into what bachelor parties are all about. Why certain things having to do with sexuality are bad, and why some are harmless. Then we take a look into the mail bag.

Before getting into how terrible End Game is, we talk about super hero movies in general and how they have been completely gutted by feminism and diversity. Entertainment is about being preached to by assistant professors now and that’s just not entertaining. Don’t miss the 20-minute tangent about New York’s East Village in the early 2000s and over-the-top gay bars. 

A surprisingly drunk Gavin manages to mumble about that Greek chick from “What We Do in the Shadows” and relationships in general. Apparently, you can covet your neighbor’s wife if you don’t want her for yourself but instead want other men to court women who are like her. We also glance over the news and dig deep into the mail bag. Lots of relationship advice there too.

There are two things going on with this recent social media purge. One, everyone is included in free speech, even bad guys and two, these aren’t those guys. Milo is an eccentric traditionalist who is wary of feminism, Laura Loomer is hooked on Muslim anti-Senitism, and Alex Jones is a guy with seemingly infinite theories, most of which are true! To say they were banned for associating with me is an obvious lie. They were banned for being too effective this close to the next presidential election.

Peter Gabriel sucks and of course, Ryan likes him because he has the worst musical taste in the entire state of NY. We gave some very helpful boxing tips and talked about the two times Gavin’s wife wanted to kill him.

Robert Crumb is clearly one of the greatest artists of all time. The people coming after him and having him removed from museums are buzzkills who don’t get the joke. As usual, they are basing their witch hunt on someone else’s opinion of his work and not his body of work itself. This is always the case with these people. Anyway, we also talk about guns, mass shootings, and tricking kids into thinking Joe Dirt is the new Avengers movie.

In this particularly raunchy episode, we discuss the sexual habits of “queers” as well as the rampant STDs sweeping the country and how to deal with them. We also cover roasting marshmallows (related to STDs), soakers, and of course, not making it to the bathroom on time. This is a really gross episode.

Wherein we discuss motorcycle problems and several near death experiences on the highway. We also tear through the news and confront the media’s blind spot when it comes to the war on Christianity. Turns out the victims in Sri Lanka were more than just “Easter worshippers.” Boxing and stealing stories also comes up and then we settle into the mail bag for a good bout of Ryan bashing.

We start out this epsiode with a look at boxing and how getting over your fear of being punched comes in handy when riding a motorcycle. This brings us to discussions about combing garageland with your BS detector and how dishonest we all are when it comes to reading the news as a big pile of corny rumors. You don’t care about Lori Loughlin cheating to get her daughter into college. You just want the beautiful people to suffer. You don’t really think the Mueller report is a smoking gun. You just want Trump to lose. We also get deep into some cocaine stories that takes us from Costa Rica to a $30m yacht off the coast of Somalia. It’s a wild ride so take your helmet off and let’s go!

Though this episode appears to be a wandering mess, there is an important thread throughout which is: We need to be more responsible for ourselves and stop relying on others to solve our problems. Don’t call AAA. Don’t call the cops. Don’t wait for someone to come fix your flat tire. Bribe a tow truck to do it off the books. We also answer letters about child rape in the Catholic church, dads who go to Disneyland alone, bad marriages, and farting.

We try to figure out why certain men believe airing out your feet after a shower will prevent toe fungus. It won’t. You’re being duped. Then we talk about the SPLC suit and how many ridiculous lies it includes such as Proud Boys yelling, “He was a f-ing foreigner!” Finally, we dive into the mail bag and use many of the letters as a spring board to bigger, deeper, more scarier conversations.

When we were kids we played cops and robbers. More kids wanted to be cops than robbers but today, I doubt anyone wants to be a cop. Paperwork and constant scrutiny has ruined the profession. We send them into the shittiest part of the city and then get made when they don’t act like aristocrats. It’s made today’s cops suicidal but it’s also made sure tomorrow’s cops are just pussies and nerds. We also attack the mail bag.

Before tearing into the male bag, we discuss how gay I am for men (outside of the sexual connotations, obviously). Men are portrayed as sexist dirtbags who see women as human garbage but then you meet us and we’re basically sweeties. This leads to a discussion on boxing, the Proud Boys, hate crimes, gay bashing, apprenticeships, and of course making new guy friends.

This one’s a mini podcast where we announce that we fixed the glitches in the previous podcast (the tits one). We can’t announce this on social media because I’ve been banned from every platform there is. This leaves us no choice but to make announcements here - as separate podcasts. Anyway, it’s fixed. I miss you. Bye.

In this episode we question everything. Why tits? Why not? Was Gary Coleman killed by his ex-wife Shannon Price? Was Elliot Smith killed by his girlfriend Jennifer Chiba? After all the murder talk, we cleanse the palette with a foray into the UK show Undateables which features mentally handicapped singles trying to navigate the dating scene. We are particularly infatuated with Daniel and his hit album “The Songs of Gigs.” It’s Daniel Johnston meets Jonathan Richman meets that indie UK band "Art Brut".

So, some shithole country calling itself Brunei has decided gays need to be stuffed in a hole and beaten with large rocks until they die but what is “gay”? This prompts a lot of name-dropping as well as a discussion about jail, the SPLC, Jussie Smollet, trauma strains, Tina Tchen, black comedy, Kim Foxx, Costa Rica, and Sarah Silverman’s racist past.

Before getting to our turgid mail bag (which is positively bursting at the seams) I want to take a moment to look closely at the imminent demise of the SPLC. My complaint is the reason that organization is falling apart. After going through it, they entire staff realized they were being led by the blind and promptly began firing everyone or forcing them to leave. Founder Morris Dees is out. President Richard Cohen is out. Head of legal Rhonda Brownstein is out. Uh, you’re welcome.

1- BE CHEAP: Don’t go out with tons of people for a huge dinner. 2- TAKE ABUSE: You’re not going to make money for the first two years of doing a thing. Get over it. 3- BE FUNN: When courting a lady, focus on having a good time, not getting laid. 4- WEAR CLASSICS: If you’re not into fashion, stick to classics like Chuck Taylors. 5- DON’T FIGHT: If you need to get into a fight, keep it as short as possible. 6- DON’T EAT: Food is for pussies. 7- PARTY RIGHT: Follow the D.O.W.N.E.R. rules. 8- CLEAN YOUR ROOM: The road to improvement starts small. 9- QUIT PORN: Get off the couch. 10- FAMILY FIRST: Make good with your parents and siblings.

In this extra special episode we go over ex NYT executive editor Jill Abramson’s terrible book, “Merchants of Truth: The Business of News and the Fight for Facts.” I only read the parts that were about Vice when I was there and I counted TWENTY, yes TWENTY major factual errors. Since completing the book, Abramson has gone on to do lots of press for it that includes defending the multiple examples of plagiarism and telling many more lies like the allegation Proud Boys are “white nationalist” and I was recently arrested for brawling alongside them.

Today's show is dedicated entirely to the mail bag. We get to a ton of emails, but we've barely scratched the surface.

The Netflix series “After Life” is incredibly well written but I don’t think Gervais realizes how sad he makes childlessness and atheism look. Like Ricky, the protagonist has bucked tradition until nothing’s left but your wife and that means, once she’s gone, there’s nothing left. Kids, please learn from the lessons Ricky accidentally taught us: get married, make babies, and believe in God.

We review the Joe Rogan Twitter special, and correct some of the falsehoods that were sprinkled throughout the discussion of Gavin and the Proud Boys being purged from Twitter. Then we reach into the Male Bag, AKA the Scrotum.

After a lot of heavy politics, we decided to make this episode super funny and comedy oriented. The problem is, simply focussing on funny topics does not a funny podcast make. This ep is less amusing than any of the political ones which may be proof I’m just losing my sense of humor. This episode could be the first of a sad decline in my career as a professional amuser.

After discussing how lame your ideas are when you’re asleep, we get into a hodge podge of topics including all these miserable comedians who tell us how to live our lives. Dude, you just had a nervous breakdown and your buddy tried to kill himself. Stop telling us how to live our lives. We also look at the death of comedy in general, Justin Trudeau’s prostitution scandal, Alex Jones on Joe Rogan, and a bunch of letters we’ve gotten recently in a new segment called “Scrotum” (mail bag).

This one’s all about my vacation where I hung out with some of the fattest people in the entire world. Yikes! America we have a serious obesity epidemic and it appears to be getting worse. Why are you on a Rascal at Disney World? Because walking makes you tired? Yeah, that’s the point. Walking isn’t your enemy, the Rascal is. Anyway, I took the family to Mets Spring Training in Port St. Lucie as well as Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Universal Studios, Volcano Bay, and Island of Adventure in Orlando. It was pretty fun but I think being a New Yorker may have ruined my personality forever.

I visited my dad in Florida and asked him why the media is in total and utter denial when it comes to the horrific murders of white farmers in South Africa. I also brought mum in to explain why this guy thinks he’s so great - maybe he is.

Told ya so. Have we reached peak Clown World yet? We have rich black people who grew up white such as Cory Booker and Kamala Harris using a hate crime hoax to push through an anti-lynching bill. Is anyone pro-lynching? Isn’t it already illegal? At this point, we’ve gone so far, you just have to sit back and laugh.

We're in Texas, yeeehaw! Drinking beer, talking about buttholes, treasured memories, and noobs. The audio is weird since we're using Lav mics. There's video of this one, go to my YouTube channel for that. 

Today's podcast mostly revolves around how shitty stylists and wardrobe people in movies ruin everything. It ruined a great AC/DC song. It could've ruined Jaws. We move onto a Vice video of black conservatives and liberals talking to each other. The word retard is bad, right? Why can't people be ideologically opposed and still get along?       PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

Today's episode is mostly covering the SPLC law suit. There's a few detours here and there-- but it's a pretty big thing. It'll get funnier soon, but for now your support would be greatly appreciated. Go to DefendGavin.com to donate whatever you can to help fund us take a stand against the SPLC.   PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

There's a bunch of hodge-podge in this ep. Gavin agrees to a melee with a buffed up Coppercab, small updates on Jussie Smollet thing, some cringe confessions, Ryan's cringy "Stand Up" video, and more.   PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

The story of Jussie Smollett being gay-bashed by two racists in MAGA hats AND ski masks (how exactly does that work?) is one of the fishiest stories of the year. Was he being stalked and they finally decided to make their move? Why did they ask if he was that “f-—t Empire n——r”? Why do racists care so much about a show they’ve never seen? I’m not saying he’s lying but if this turns out to be a hoax, remember we were among the first to be dubious. However, if it’s true, Gavin commits to a humiliating ritual as an apology for showing skepticism. See inside for more.   PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

Today we get into the overkill FBI raid of Roger's home, the suspiciously convenient timing of CNN's reporter who staked out Roger's home due to his "instinct" and an hour later got the footage. SNL had Steve Martin portraying Roger, and it stunk. We also talk stories for kids, pirates, Anthony Cumia becoming one of NYC's "crazy people" and more.     PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

Gavin explains why he almost cried yesterday. We talk about boxing and the books Gavin is into lately and then we reveal the truth behind why everyone hates Brad.    PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

Ann Coulter says that the only thing all these radical leftists groups have in common is their hatred for white men. I think it’s more specific than that. The far left rolls their eyes at old, white men and don’t really see them as a threat but they have a burning, irrational hatred for a very specific type of young man. They hate healthy, white, Christian, handsome, fit, upper middle class, college-aged men who are likely to be successful and end up happily married. On this podcast we call this archetype “Brad” and try to figure out why everyone hates him so much. Why did everyone run with this Catholic High School story about disrupting an indigenous ceremony? Why were the death threats so vitriolic? What’s with all the hate?   PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod    

Gavin's son calls the police. The floor can't be lava. Ryan has tons of parking tickets. Boxing talk, and Ryan wants to get a body blow. Salesmen are pretty skilled. Gavin loses a friend over James Gandolfini's death. Ryan can't tell a story. The soundboard is analyzed. Sex with Oprah. Scary movies. Letting your sexuality define you.    PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

If you’re so determined to “shout at the devil,” then you hate him and see him as a threat to your life. I’ve been thinking a lot about the devil these days as I see things go from kinda crappy to downright sinister. Is the concept of “Satan” just a synonym for “evil” or is it more like actual demons coming from hell to do terrible things? I’m not at Alex Jones levels of “there are demons!” but I’m definitely drifting from the whole, “Meh, it just means ‘bad stuff’.”   PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

My life is far from perfect. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. This podcast is more a, “Do as I say not as I do” kind of thing. This extra-long ep tells you how to do everything right from birth, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, marriage, parenthood, and retirement. Short version: try to make your life the 1980s.   PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

Ryan Katsu Rivera and I just got back from skiing with the family in Okemo. No. that’s not a hospital for Irish cancer patients. It’s a ski hill that’s one of the best family-friendly ski resorts in the North East. Why don’t we revere that more? Why don’t we think of the risks and hard work businessmen put in to a project when we go to a ski hill or a water park or even a building? I think our apathy towards entrepreneurs comes from a general malaise towards men’s accomplishments in general. In an effort to appease feminists we have castrated men and made them into pussies.    PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUICK SURVEY! https://survey.libsyn.com/getoffmylawnpod

What do they even mean? You don’t allow Klansmen in your home? Yeah, I thought that was a given. You hate racism? So does 99.99999999% of the population. Why not put a “Rape has no home here” sign on your lawn while you’re at it. This sign does not mean what it says. It either means, “I’m a retard who makes redundant points” or “I believe that president Trump is racist and all his supporters are bigoted anti-Semites who hate blacks and gays and think women should be second class citizens.” You’d think someone that obsessed with justice would be at least a tiny bit concerned about radical Islam but they’re not. There’s even Arabic on the sign! “Hate has no home here” signs are a fuck you to half the country. It’s this kind of cunty behavior that is going to get Trump re-elected. Way to go, assholes.

In this celebrity-packed episode we hang out with at least 16 famous people Ryan Katsu Rivera can do with his mouth. We also get in to the nature of impressions and if it’s even possible to learn how to do them. This episode includes Bill Schulz, Ezra Levant, Sway, Bill Burr, Artie Lange, Tommy Lee Jones, Robert Downey Jr, Sam Elliot, Christopher Walken, Jim Gaffigan, and of course Tony Soprano.  

In this in depth discussion on homosexuality we get deep inside what it’s like to be gay. It’s all conjecture but we determine that the worst part is 14-18 if you live in an anti-gay environment but after moving to the big city it must be awesome. Unfortunately, it can’t be too wonderful once you get super old and nobody wants you. That makes us feel bad.

After being permanently banned from Twitter (and Facebook and Instagram and everything else) I’ve noticed my IQ went up and my stress level has gone way down. Something about checking in on celebrities, feminists, and politically correct comedians several times a day really chips away at your soul. Kicking out conservatives like Milo, Loomer, Owen Benjamin, Alex Jones etc. has only made the bubble worse. See ya!  With my new super brain, we check in on academia and discover it’s way worse than we thought and nothing they say makes any sense at all. Sending your kids to college has officially become child abuse.  Copyright CRTV. All rights reserved.

I have a love hate relationship with Lena Dunham. I obviously hate her politics but she’s made some cool art over the years and the way her fellow feminists have treated her is downright disturbing. The only reason I can see for all this vitriol is jealousy. I think a lot of underachieving females see what she’s done and they resent her for it because it makes them feel bad. I just made that up right now and don’t even mention it in this podcast. Still, it’s a pretty good theory. Like I’ve always said, the less you achieve, the more you trivialize other’s accomplishments. Copyright CRTV. All rights reserved.

After catching up on some fake news about the FBI and “white nationalism,” we get into Jamaican culture and the INSANE story behind dancehall star Buju Banton prison sentence. The singer is just getting out now after five years for telling someone he dealt cocaine. He never dealt cocaine. He just said he did and that’ll land you in prison for five years. Nice free speech, America! Copyright CRTV. All rights reserved.

You need a hipster, a hacker, and a hustler to get rich. You don’t need a “hound.” You don’t need some busybody on social media spreading irrelevant information. You don’t need a publicist. You don’t need some “badass” feminists who are going to get you sued for making a rude comment. All a start-up needs to get rich is a fanboy, a geek, and a sales guy.

This heavily political show is all about the left’s determination to win this coming election at all costs. They’ve branded me as worse than Hitler and convinced half the country I run a violent street gang. However, much worse than that, this bizarre caravan appears to be sent to the border to make Trump look bad. Are they willing to sacrifice children for a photo op? I’ll survive this persecution, especially after I sue the pants off of everyone involved, but if anyone dies at the border, everyone involved is going to hell. 

I'm out of the loop but what's going on with messing around these days? Are tits still a thing? I've been out of the loop for a while but I'm worried porn and divorce has ruined sex for young people. That sucks because done right, it's pretty fun. Slut walks are sad. 

While celebrating the fact that Tommy is free (for now) we look back at other cases and start to notice a pattern. The radical left, the media, and the state are determined to dehumanize the right so they can kill them easier. It sounds hyperbolic but sending a British patriot like Tommy to a majority Muslim prison is a death sentence. They've done it already and the only reason he survived the attack is he was tipped off in advance. This sinister corruption is not unique to the UK. We are seeing it here too and we're seeing it right now. 

Louis CK masturbated in front of two women who gave him persmission. For that, many believe he deserves the $35m nosedive his career took. Roseanne made an unfortunate joke she claims had nothing to do with race. For that, she loses control of her life story. Sometimes it gets much worse, the kangaroo courts of social media can get you charged with rape and all kinds of other crimes. How we don't pillory people for jokes and consensual sex and if a real crime occurrs, go to the cops? 

About 15 years ago, all the flights from Boston to NYC were canceled and all the rental cars were booked. I managed to hitch a ride with two incredibly normal people but they wanted to read Harry Potter aloud the whole time. Why? Why are adults so into children’s books and Star Wars and video games and Comicons? It’s the same with all this Nazi-hunting crap. We are all playing one big Live Action Role Playing game and that’s for kids. 

I get into all the fake news surrounding my Otoya Yamaguchi ceremony we had at the Manhattan Republican Club on Friday, October 12th (the same day Otoya impaled the head of Japan's Socialist Party with a samurai sword). Antifa vandalized the club, terrorized the attendees, lied about "white supremacy," and stole a Proud Boys MAGA hat even though he was with about 30 dudes. Guess what happened, folks. Fuck around and find out. 

Identical twins separated at birth are the errant thread that unravels the whole sweater. When they invariably discover each other they have the same dog, same car, similar looking husband, and basically the same vocation. This makes people very uncomfortable because it sounds like eugenics and that’s Nazi shit. Don’t worry kids. You can concede that we are 80% determined from birth without giving up free will and accusing everyone down on their luck of being born that way. 

I start out discussing the dumbest thing I’ve ever done which brings us to Halloween and AIDS in general. I then attempt to quash any beef me and the Proud Boys have with DMS because they are very scary dudes who go to jail - a lot. This brings the conversation to a talk I had with DMS co-founder Scott Ebanks who did 20 years for a crime he didn’t commit (a charge that would have stuck in UK because they are insane). The big picture here is we all get lost in the weeds with petty differences when we should be focussing on real problems like America's corrupt prison system, welfare, the drug war, the opioid crisis, Jihadism, and the normalization of communism. 

After 15 years of vegetarianism, I've begun exclusively eating animals because I've realized animals are complete losers. They are just evolutionary tangents that were meant to be human but took a wrong turn somewhere a few million years ago and ended up stuck with no arms and a hammerhead. Might as well eat them. They're just fancy plants AKA "flants."

This episode is dedicated to the INSANE charges against Tommy Robinson and the throngs of supporters who showed up to his trial on Thursday. The media class in Britain turns a blind eye to pedophile gangs and focusses all their attention on obfuscating Tommy's message. I have no idea why. I think it's because they hate the working class. The result is one man, alone, fighting on behalf of Britain's children. For more, check out the CRTV Tonight ep dedicated to this trip at CRTV.com. 

Antifa released my cell phone number to the world and I went through 24 hours of abusive texts, phone calls, and voice mails. Then, the story went mainstream and everyone heard about it. What followed was 24 hours of fans saying, "Vice sucks now" and "Keep fighting the good fight." I kind of prefer the haters because I got a good hard look at the sociofascists on the Alt-Left. Turns out they don't really believe what they say and ultimately just want $1,000 to get their car fixed. Sad.

I pulled out an oldie but goodie from the fist fight archives in a futile attempt to try and thwart the pussification of today's youth. Getting stabbed and or shot is not good but what's the matter with a brief altercation outside of a bar? At the very least it makes for a good story - and good stories are what podcasts are all about.

"Y'all are brutalzing me" exclaimed Ronnie Dobbs and I know how he feels. This conspiracy theory-laden ep has me ranting like Alex Jones about the "sociiofascists" on the "alt-left" who push #Fakenews about me being a Nazi who helped organize Charlottesville. The real point of this ep is to show the gray area between "Globalist billionaires are sabotaging my life" and "Some leftist political groups engage in harassment."

After discussing the bizarre phobia W.A.S.P.s have with the common wasp, I get into this culture of fear we live in where men are so scared someone will see their penis, they urinate in the bathroom stall. I don’t know if this kind of stuff angers you but it drives me crazy. I don’t know why I care so much about how other people behave but everything from flip-flops to people who pick their nose drives me up the wall. Then, we get into America’s obsession with race and how that subject dominates the national conversation while the opioid epidemic and child molesters are totally ignored.

I know it's September 11th but instead of talking about the most effective blow against the West in the history of warfare, I'd rather talk about Westfest where Proud Boys from all over the world go to Vegas to get wasted and fight. It was real fun but I drank so much I am doing this podcast with a hangover that could easily be in the Guinness Book of World Records. 

Insipired by a video Stossel did called "How Government Caused the Boy Crisis" I take a look at the different roles moms and dads have in a marriage. I do all the driving. She does all the cooking. I handle the outside of the house. She handles the inside. I tell the kids not to shit their pants. She consoles them if they do. It works. 

I sit down with my right hand man Ryan Katsu Rivera and we discuss his ability to do impressions. I can’t do them. Is that because I haven’t tried or is it just a skill you can’t acquire. Would I be able to do Tony Soprano if I worked on it for hours at a time? I don’t think so. There has to be some kind of physical traits your born with that enable you to mimic sound better than others.

I start out talking about how awesome strip clubs are which doesn’t make sense because I haven’t been to one since my daughter was born. Doesn’t that mean there’s something depraved and sexist about them? Whatever. The bigger picture here is men are depicted as these drooling creeps but we’re actually very reverent. We appreciate women’s bodies. How about women appreciate all the awesome stuff we do like build garbage trucks? Those things are pretty involved. I think we could all do with a heaping dose of reverence and respect for all of man’s creations and that includes strippers.

After two weeks on the lam, I’m back to talk about my road trip and all the weird places I visited in Niagara Falls, rural Ontario, and Montreal. Turns out Niagara Falls is trashier than ever, rural Ontario is still paradise, and Montreal has completely lost its mind. 

Austin is banning bands and ruining their careers for not following the rules. I don’t want artists to follow the rules. I don’t even want them to know what the rules are. Same with movies. I don’t want to know how actors feel about climate change and the latest tax cuts. I want to pretend they are being chased by CIA operatives through Budapest. We keep ruining art by dissecting it and exposing every intimate detail. That’s like watching a chick get ready to go out. It ruins the surprise.

I start out talking about how productive you can be and if it’s predetermined. I also ask if taking drugs like Adderall can change that amount which gets me on a tangent about being introduced to the drug by Johnny Knoxville and what it was like hanging out with the Jackass dudes. It was fun because they’r’e fun. There’s a moral there and it’s simple: Don’t do drugs. OK maybe do some but know you’re just borrowing from tomorrow’s productivity. 

What was supposed to be a funny episode about all the cute things my five-year-old does, quickly spirals out of control and becomes an angry old man rant about water, elaborate drinks, and the fact that 100% of kids in America are addicted to staring at various screens. If they’re not playing a video game they’re watching a video of someone else playing a video game and this constant over stimulation is leaving them with no creativity and unable to play like normal kids. It’s an epidemic and it’s destroying an entire generation’s childhood.

This is a very serious episode about jokes and what’s happened to them. Political correctness has infiltrated all of comedy now and the result is sketch comedy, stand-up, movies, and TV are only allowed to offend one group: kids. Comedy is still wildly offensive but only in regards to that group. The end result is the bits become even more disgusting because you’re seeing comics handle blacks, Jews, gays etc with kid gloves and then treating children like they’re human garbage.

Initially my teachers thought I was gifted but after doing a few tests, they realized I was borderline “special needs” and put me in a class with the dumbest kids in the school. The strange thing about this class was it also included kids who teachers just didn’t want to look at. There was an autistic kid, a hemophiliac, and some random chick dying of cancer. They all had good grades but they made teachers uncomfortable so off to the Special Class they went. 

In today's episode of "Living in the suburbs" we meet a weird dude who's been meditating and praying in front of my house. After confronting him and assuming he was a complete mental patient, I saw him being normal at a bar where a black guy stormed in and threatened to kill us all, first with a baseball bat, then with a gun.

I begin the show celebrating the 35th anniversary of my favorite temper tantrum: the time George Brett attacked a ref for calling off a victory due to some stupid rule about the bat. Then we examine the time Brett got food poisoning and poo’d his pants. This strangely segues into guns and what it would be like to be a ghost.

In this cockamamie theory episode, I posit the assumption that you need to be at least tangentially associated with the Mediterranean to be good in bed. Girls from Montreal are good lays because they are originally French and the south of France is on the Mediterranean. Girls from Toronto, however, are not even remotely linked to that body of water and despite having kick ass bodies, they do not know what to do with them.

This was the speech I was going to do for my parent's 50th Anniversary party but my dad kiboshed it because he said his friends are 70 now and they don't like swear words. Oh well, his loss is your gain. 

I start off laughing at sleepwalkers and all the stupid stuff they say but this somehow drifts into a talk about 9-11 and what it was like in NYC that day. Then it gets all heavy and I start crying like a little bitch.

I had food poisoning the other night and I can't help but think it was my history with LSD that enabled me to overcome the last barf session. This leads to a discussion about the long term effects of hallucinogenic drugs. 

This ep is all farts all the time as I delve into how bad flatulence can effect how your wife feels about you. Being Scottish and also a severe alcoholic means I have a weak stomach that is constantly being abused. That leads to toots that are so severe, I’ve often had people in public assume there was some kind of chemical spill (not in Glasgow, of course, they know what time it is there because they have the same problems). I make a few small tangents about not being vulnerable around your significant other but this ep is almost fanatical in it’s dedication to fart talk. Actually, if it was a talk show it would be called Fart Talk with Gavin McInnes.

After a weekend of rioting, I focus on one particular punch that summarizes the problem with millennial arrogance. Why would you pick a fight with someone who could clearly kick your ass? Because he’s a Nazi? I don’t get that. First of all, he isn’t. Secondly, if he was, aren’t you scared of him? I used to fight Nazi skinheads in the late 80s and I was petrified of every confrontation. They were very scary dudes and they kicked the crap out of us on a regular basis. This somehow segues into the number of women in action movies and how distracting it is to see a super model murder a gang of thieves who rob banks during hurricanes.

In this Special Edition of GOML, we dish all the latest celebrity gossip on Milo, Justin Theroux, and Will Ferrell. I also get into this right VS. left civil war and how likely the left is to be crushed by the gun-owning, super grumpy, right wing brawlers they keep picking fights with.

I start out talking about this new trend of yelling at Trump supporters for no other reason than you’re a mental patient. I went through it recently at a baseball game and it’s not scary or shocking. It’s just weird. Like when a homeless person zeroes in on you for some crazy reason. Then, I get into people picking fights with someone they couldn’t possibly take. Most of us learned not to do this at an early age but today’s youngsters want to throw down with people who would happily eat them for breakfast. Finally, I start talking about dealbreakers men have when it comes to women’s beauty. Outside of morbid obesity, there is one doozy we just cannot bend on. See if you can guess what it is (no it’s not a penis, you weirdo).

This was supposed to be about how weird it is to be gay but I went off on a tangent about some jerk who peed all over the toilet seat in Montreal and I sat on it. How are we, in a modern Western society, having to wash stranger’s pee off our butt cheeks and legs?

I start out getting mad at Tina Fey for pooping on America using the cute humor that came from having an awesome midwestern childhood with conservative parents. This leads to chastising all baby boomers for basically doing the same thing. Then, I take a 90 degree turn and devote the rest of the show to this weird mod kid I knew named Matt who kidnapped his girlfriend and went to prison for a long time. Back when we were roaming the streets of New York City, we broke into a Tofu factory and discovered dozens of illegal aliens being kept as slaves.  

Like you, I grew up assuming all jocks were date rapers and all beta-male, feminist ally, stand-up comedians were good people with a heart of gold. Turns out, the opposite is true. It appears nerds such as Chris Hardwick are the ones abusing women while the alpha male jokes are washing the barf off of drunk girls and carefully tucking them in. At the end, we discuss SaveTommy.com and how important it is to pitch in.

Most of this podcast is about the NY Mag article that just came out entitled, “A Company Built on a Bluff.” New Vice and old Vice are obviously denoted by me leaving in 2008 and it certainly wasn’t a bluff back then. I don’t know much about them post 2008 but I’m assuming that when the sales guy takes over the editorial, the content is going to get a lot more advertorial.

I start out railing against schools and teachers and how totally incompetent they all are. New York City schools are way worse than you could possibly imagine. It’s basically one big Animal House (but less funny). Then we get deep into the Nazi myth and how insane you’d have to be to honestly think white supremacy is a real thing and a threat to American society. It’s no less nuts than Bigfoot chasing.

It’s back to adolescence for today’s podcast where I go over all the times I almost died in the 80s. It’s the same for everyone right? Didn’t we all almost drown that one time or we were standing too close to the edge of a building before a perceptive friend grabbed us and pulled us back to safety. I guess the ones who did fall off aren’t hear to read this. Being a teenager is real and it’s fun but it’s not real fun to constantly be kicking the grim reaper in the nuts and asking, “So, what are you going to do about it, wimp?” Thank God we all made it.

Today’s episode is mostly about having kids and how they go from being cute guys who say crazy things to thinking you’re an idiot. Having them hang out with kids who have nannies doesn’t help. I worry that it teaches a culture where adults are your servants. I wonder how the children of these nannies feel about their mom being away. Anyway, this heavy subject matter is peppered with stories about drawing on someone’s face when they’re passed out.

Today I talk about two friends of mine who are in big trouble. I don’t know Roseanne very well but we’ve spoken a few times and she’s never come across as racist - more just obsessed with Israel and the safety of Jewish people. That being said, she should have known the left was waiting to devour any mistake she made and she should have known using the term ape anywhere near a black person was going to explode minds. I know Tommy very well and his case is completely different. The British government is abusing their power and jailing him for a year for simply approaching a group of Muslim pedophiles and saying, “All right, lads. How you feeling about your verdict?"

On today’s Memorial Day podcast we discuss what it’s like to date a woman with spaghetti legs.

To switch things up, I tried recording this podcast in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep. It’s about being stoned and how hallucinogenic drugs can help expand your mind - permanently. I haven’t done LSD in about 30 years but whenever I have the hiccups I just concentrate and say, “I don’t want these anymore” and they go away. This is because of acid. Steve Jobs agrees. Well, “agreed."

This rambling hodgepodge of a show was meant to be an involved look at how we grow as adolescents but it quickly degenerated into me punching a boom box in frustration while trying to play tapes of my old bands.

I am on my phone almost as much as you are and we need to stop. It’s preventing us from having deep thoughts and it’s removing us from ourselves. This is making us weaker when we meet new people. Not to sound too LA but when you’ve worked on yourself, you’re more comfortable around people. Like America, if people don’t like you, they can leave. You have to like you first and that begins with getting away from your damn phone (I typed this on my phone BTW).

You ever notice that when a newspaper writes about your hometown or something you know a lot about, they get everything wrong? That’s true of all media. It’s also true of the entire justice system. All my friends are being threatened with jail time for crimes they didn’t commit but we are not going to let that happen.

I’ve lost almost a pound a day with a new diet I invented called “Beer Starvation.” All you do is grab a beer and nurse it every time you’re starving. The only time you can eat is at dinner. That’s it. The end result is a smaller stomach which means, when you finally do eat, you only need a few bites. All this fancy exercise and paleo this and gluten that is just lazy people trying to cheat the basic truth that all you have to do to lose weight is burn more calories than you take in.

I wish I could tell you about my wife and kids more, but crazy people make it a dangerous thing to do. In this ep I talk generally about marriage and what it’s like to have little kids. It’s fun but you need to watch out for the alphas. They are the enemies within and will literally kick you out of bed.

In this pornographic NSFW podcast, I get into the different types of tits and why my friend got AIDS. There’s also the time in high school the uncircumcised guys would fight the circumcised guys by wedgie-ing them to death. The moral of all these stories is men appreciate women a lot more than women seem prepared to admit. Basically, we’d sleep with any woman who hasn’t appeared on “My 600-lb life."

This one is all about evolution. Basically, life is just a magic goo that started out billions of years ago and was meant to be you and me but ended up on all kinds of stuff. Water bears and hammerhead sharks are losers. We won. Also, it’s possible we lived under water for a long time. There’s even a tribe called the Badjao who are doing it right now!

We start out attacking my neighbors for picking up twigs on earth day. Apparently sticks are bad for the environment and buying tons of plastic bags to pick them up is good for mother earth. Then, I talk about my weekend which included hanging out with cops and riding a boat around Manhattan. There were two major fights and Milo Yiannopoulos got chased out of a restaurant but otherwise it was a pretty fun weekend.

I start out crapping on doggie doo doo bags and how much I hate that they’re perfumed. This starts a whole rant about all the things I hate including flip-flops, fake boobs, baby boomers’ ring tones, the beeping sound trucks make when they go in reverse, helmets on ski slopes, and the way restaurants give everyone a gigantic glass of water before anyone orders anything. I thought the common thread for all of these would be deception but self-indulgence and cowardice are also big contenders. When I become dictator, all of this will be abolished.

I start out with a pretty reasonable idea: liberal arts colleges are a complete waste of time and you should only go to college if you’re going to take STEM. However, soon after, I get radical and suggest that grade school should be about 80% recess with only a few, curious students doing any real studying. Sure, they should learn to read and write but the rest should be up to the few who really want to learn. Oh, and kids should also have random jobs like building license plates. This new structure would leave a society with only about 5% getting higher education. Good. Now we have way less student debt and way more tradesmen. Insisting everyone is smart is stupid.

In this sizzling hot episode, I gossip about my eight years at Fox News and dish all the gossip while naming names. The short version is that it’s a great place to work with very moral people but their hiring practices are a little too PC for a straight, white male like myself. The long version is, well, the long version is this podcast.

While it’s fun to sow your wild oats, I want to make the case for moving on here. Young people, partying and getting STDs is fun for like, a decade, but it gets old around 25. Try moving on to the next chapter. Feminism and porn is making both of you think there’s no point to life but take it from someone who crossed over to the other side, there is another world out here. Also, married people, can we stop treating divorce like it’s a casual trip to the dentist. It’s a brutal procedure that destroys kids lives (the same kids I was just trying to sell marriage to). Traditionalism may be uncool but ignoring its merit gets sadder and sadder as you get old.

Although this episode is primarily focussed on comedy and the First Amendment, we get political and examine the difference between how censorship affects the right and the left. I believe non-liberals get it far worse, especially the moderate New Right because we’re appealing to young people and therefore considered a more dangerous threat than the Far Right.

This one’s all about the early aughts in New York City and hanging out at gay bars with my friend Trevor. You’d be surprised how easy it is to meet chicks in that environment but New York is still a violent place and fist fights are just a normal part of going out.

Wherein I focus exclusively on all the hustles, scams, and cheats I have perpetuated over the years. We accompany each tale with a morality rating and I usually come out looking pretty bad.

I go over half a dozen fights I had as a young man and use them to prove that violence is just. Being bullied as just as important as bullying because they teach you the inevitable truth that we live in a kill or be killed society. This helps you in business and just about every other interaction you have. You’re not a man until you’ve had the crap beaten out of you, beaten the crap out of someone, had your heart broken, and broken a heart. This ep focusses on the first two.

I start out getting to some unturned stones from the previous heroin episode and then focus on the gays. We talk about the myth of trans, the lack of homosexuals in the suburbs, and the absurd notion that people in big cities are homophobic. I also wonder aloud if gay suicide is some kind of subconscious recognition they’re weird. They’re not evil or an abomination or anything Fred Phelps-y but like a vegetarian lion or an albino, they are unusual and that’s got to chip away at you over time.

On today’s heroin special we look back at all my friends who OD’d and how that relates to the modern opioid epidemic. Turns out heroin ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

In this issue I try to sell you on the idea of having children because I use to be like you and my only regret is that I waited so long to have a family. Within this pitch, I also get into marriage tips like, “It’s OK to have a bad year” and parenting tips such as, “You can be friends with them when they’re young or friends with them when you’re old. You can’t have both.”

Wherein the host, me, argues that we used to be much less humorless 20-30 years ago. Xenophobia was considered amusing and it was simply a given that the West is the best. To prove this, I go over some examples of anti-PC comedy from the 70s (PJ O’Rourke’s National Lampoon essay “Foreigners Around the World”) and use it to not only prove that xenophobia can be amusing but also that the West is inarguably superior to everywhere else in the world.

This episode was meant to be a look at the socially liberal, libertarian views of Matt Stone and Trey Parker but it quickly veers into nothing but unsubstantiated gossip about the two comedy legends.

Being a man isn’t about lifting 350lbs and knowing how to replace a carburetor. It’s about not being a self-hating pussy who can’t wait to show his weaknesses to the world. If you can’t be the man we all wish you could be, fake it.

Having fun in high school has nothing to do with where you are or how much money you have. It has to do with how much culture you can invent. Come up with stupid rules and enforce them with vigilance. Get in trouble. Make mistakes. If you can’t be a human disaster when you’re a teenager, when can you be? This episode focusses on my high school years at the Earl of March in Kanata and all mind-blowing idiocy we used to get up to.

When you’re “cool” in high school it’s like being king of the world. When you’re that same guy well into adulthood, it’s downright sad. This episode uses my friend Artie as the perfect example of when cool jumps the shark. Time to grow up, Arthur.

I stole this concept from Chadwick Moore. If you’re white, pretend you’re black for a day and see how many things could be construed as racist. If you’re black, pretend you’re white and see how many things could be explained away as just life in the big city. This can be extrapolated to gay (as Chadwick did), female, trans, fat, and any other group that claims victim status. It’s very possible the person out to get you is you.

As an incredibly funny person, I like to riff with strangers. Over the years, I’ve realized about 5% of the population can riff back. 30% of people enjoy humor and then there’s the 70% who are wondering why you’re saying a thing that isn’t true. Within the entire 95% of non-riffers there is this bizarre contingent of people who try to joke around by using random words that make absolutely no sense in a comedic context. I’ve written some of these down and would like to share them with you.