My Mate's A Footballer
Joe Wilkinson has always wanted a professional footballer to be his mate. Step forward Patrick Bamford, who has signed up to this podcast to work out if the pair really can become true friends. Joe is a lifelong Gillingham supporter and wants to discover what it takes to play the game at the highest level because you can't support a friend without understanding what they've gone through and the challenges they face. Pat has agreed to answer any question that Joe thinks of so they will cover plenty of ground and you get to hear insight and stories from inside the dressing room at a professional football club as the two hosts get to know each other by spending time together recording this podcast.
Episodes
Clangers, Team Train Journeys and ‘Spygate’
The power is in the hands of the listeners for this episode - everything is on the table as Pat’s promised to answer any question that Joe selects. Today the pair discuss why the man had a pair of bolt cutters on him when he got caught up in the ‘Spygate’ scandal, who decides how a team travels to an away game and what it’s really like in the dressing room after a teammate has made a high-profile mistake.
17/10/24•35m 49s
Footballers’ Food Bills, Wild Cats and German Bread
Joe decides what role he would most like to take on after hearing all about the club chef as Pat reveals all the details about the club canteen. Chef Alex details the best and worst parts of his job, Joe can’t get on board with some of the footballer’s dinner choices and Pat reveals the cost of food is taken from players' salaries. Plus the pair discuss Pat making the trip to the New Forest to see wild horses, Peppa Pig and big cats.
10/10/24•37m 49s
The Kalvin Phillips Ep
Pat pauses Joe’s search for a role at Leeds and invites his (other) friend Kalvin onto the pod to chat about Pep, dealing with abuse and the move to Ipswich. Kalvin takes great delight in analysing Joe’s free kick, reminisces about playing in the Euros and enjoys Joe being thrown under the bus after Pat reveals details of their conversation before the pod was recorded.To listen on most smart speakers just say “ask BBC Sounds to play My Mate's a Footballer”
03/10/24•42m 48s
Joe Wilkinson vs Pam the Receptionist
Joe continues his search for a role at Pat’s football club, Leeds United, and this week the pair investigate the jobs of Press Officer and Receptionist. Pat reveals how the media team react when a player says something they shouldn’t and what actually happens in ‘media training’. Joe discusses how intimidated he usually is by receptionists but learns why that might not be the case at a football club.
19/09/24•31m 55s
Could Joe Wilkinson Become a Kit Man?
Patrick attempts to find Joe a role on the staff at Leeds United following his unsuccessful attempt at becoming a free-kick specialist at the age of 49. This was supposed to be an episode about a number of different jobs but Joe became slightly obsessed with the job of a kit man so ends up setting Pat some homework for the next episode to help him discover more roles appropriate for a stand-up comedian and actor.
12/09/24•30m 31s
The Youth Of Today
What is it like for a young player in the cut-throat world of football? On this episode Pat reveals what it was like for players at the tender age of 15 coming through today. Once the microphone issues are sorted, Joe finds out about the role of YouTube in educating footballers and the types of initiations younger players have to go through before making a first-team appearance.
05/09/24•37m 33s
Boot Deals, Surprising Balls & Kit Launches
Joe wants to discuss all the equipment that footballers use in their job and develops his obsession with boots to find out what a ‘boot deal’ actually means. There’s a surprising fact about footballs and Pat reveals what it’s like at a club when a new kit is launched plus he also reveals who has the best pitch in England.
29/08/24•36m 8s
Re-Living Pre-Season: Pranks, Roommates And Go-Karting
Patrick and Joe discuss what happens on a pre-season tour with a Championship club. Alongside the inevitable fitness work, Joe is pleased to hear there’s also time to let off some steam including a squad go-karting competition (apologies Willy Gnonto) and playing pranks on your teammate’s room involving a fish.
22/08/24•31m 37s
How To Get Inside The Head Of A Football Player
After the first game of the season Pat and Joe discuss the mind games involved in playing football which include putting off an opponent before they take a penalty.
15/08/24•36m 43s
Could Joe Wilkinson Be The Next England Manager?
Joe reunites with Pat to discuss his wedding, the next England manager and how best to switch off on holiday before the season starts again. Pat checks out Joe’s credentials for one of football’s biggest jobs and Pat realises there’s some alarming common ground shared by his mum and Joe.
08/08/24•35m 57s
Patrick and Joe pick their England team for the Euros
Pat and Joe get together for one last pod before the summer tournament kicks off where Joe (hypothetically) puts Pat in charge of England after imagining Gareth Southgate has the runs. They discuss who should start and whether footballers can enjoy tournaments like these as a fan or whether it’s a busman’s holiday.
13/06/24•32m 28s
What Happens on a Footballer’s Stag Do?
Pat is back from his stag do in Marbs and Joe is delighted to share the goss and see the photos including which music legend he was forced to dress as. After those frivolities, the pair discuss how the Leeds players reacted to play-off defeat and Pat reveals what it’s like to face Cristiano Ronaldo in the tunnel as an opponent.
06/06/24•42m 38s
What Happens When A Player Gets Injured?
Patrick and Joe talk about injuries and the lengths that a player and their club goes to get them fit. Joe finds out about players being injured at a football club, what equipment they use and if there's a special camaraderie amongst those in the treatment room. We also find out which smelly vegetable a former teammate used to treat his injury and what it's like when a player has to retire early because of injury. Oh, and Joe reveals that a friend of his thinks Pat is beautiful.
30/05/24•31m 4s
Arm Round The Shoulder or A Kick Up The…?
Patrick and Joe talk about the qualities that make a good manager, if you can be friends with a manager outside of football and if it’s possible for a manager to be both feared and loved. Joe finds out from Pat what kind of player he is; an arm round the shoulder or if he needs a few harsh words from the gaffer to perform and Pat reveals which English superstar he’s been texting recently and Joe declares his love for a Man City winger.
23/05/24•34m 14s
The Secret to Playing at Wembley
Joe and Patrick are reunited the day after Leeds thumped Norwich to make the Championship playoff final. Pat waxes lyrical about the atmosphere at Elland Road as Joe reveals the rather bleak setting where he watched the game and wants to find out if footballers get overtime when their club has a playoff run. Pat describes his injury frustration and his hope of making the trip to Wembley as well as giving some sage advice for his teammates about playing at the home of English football.
17/05/24•34m 37s
How Do Footballers And Managers Deal With Pressure?
After a brief hiatus, Joe and Pat are reunited to discuss pressure and the birth of Pat’s second child. The work/life balance of a football manager is assessed as Jürgen Klopp looks to take time away from the game and Pat discusses Kalvin Phillips' time at West Ham.
25/04/24•38m 13s
Is Joe Wilkinson Actually Good at Taking Free Kicks?
Joe has regretted mentioning this ever since the first episode of the podcast, but now let’s all find out whether Joe Wilkinson could actually become a set-piece specialist. You’ll hear how he embraces getting into the full kit, trying to play mind games with the Leeds United goalkeeper who he’s about to face and Patrick reveals the surprise for Joe that he believes will become the ideal motivator as he attempts to score 5 free kicks past Karl Darlow.
04/04/24•29m 15s
Joe and Patrick Finally Meet at Leeds’ Training Ground
After recording almost an entire series of a pod together, Joe and Patrick finally meet in the flesh at the Leeds training ground where the stage is set for Joe to take a free kick. First though, he gets free rein to wander around the building speaking to whoever he bumps into and asking the kit man questions like: “What do you mean you melted everyone’s trainers?”
28/03/24•28m 47s
Your Questions Answered - Part Two
Pat gets grilled on his recent handball, VAR and developing the ‘dark arts’ of football in another episode where Joe puts some of your questions to him. Rotherham fans can treat this as a confessional whilst everyone else can enjoy this final episode before Joe has to take a free kick at the Leeds’ training ground, and it’s fair to say he’s still quite stressed about it.
21/03/24•34m 12s
Your Questions Answered (Plus Erling Haaland's Lovely Lips)
After receiving hundreds of messages, Patrick and Joe open the floor to your questions. For some reason Patrick's agreed to answer anything Joe asks on behalf of the listeners, so expect the hosts to tackle such burning and contentious issues as “what’s your favourite dinosaur?”. We also discover what non-footballing things players think about when they're on the pitch, and how Patrick really feels about his FIFA avatar.
14/03/24•37m 35s
What Does ‘Style of Play’ Actually Mean?
What's the difference between a press and a counter-press? Route one and possession football? Counter-attacking and parking the bus? Patrick nobly attempts to explain these football tactics to a bemused Joe.We also learn what style Patrick most enjoys playing and watching, how managers prepare tactically in the week before a game, and how Marco Bielsa could predict exactly how every match would play out.
07/03/24•33m 40s
Inside a Football Dressing Room (and a private jet)
Joe is very excited to learn exactly what goes on inside a dressing room and covers everything from the food on offer to the best facilities in the Premier League. Patrick tells us how a mix-up at an airport resulted in the least glamorous trip ever taken by a football team on a private jet and debates with Joe whether flapjacks or bananas are better.
29/02/24•37m 3s
The ‘Home Life’ of a Footballer
Joe finds out what life is like for Patrick when he’s not focused on football including how to choose where to live and whether he’s contractually allowed to ride a motorbike. Pat reveals a gross misjudgement on his choice of accommodation whilst on loan and how he’s transformed his garage.
22/02/24•36m 45s
The First England Call-Up (Landmarks Part 2)
After being distracted in the original episode about landmark moments (thanks to an unusual fantasy football team name), the lads reconvene to discuss more important moments from Pat’s career. You’ll hear how a player gets called up for England for the first time, which players were the most welcoming,
demanding and vocal in Gareth Southgate’s squad and which defender is the most horrible opponent in the Premier League.
15/02/24•32m 27s
Patrick Bamford’s Personal Team
Patrick opens up to Joe about everything he’s invested in to help deal with the pressures of football in terms of nutrition, being physically fit and being mentally strong. Part of Pat’s team immediately makes Joe want to become a footballer (again) but when the consequences of playing under pressure are laid bare, it almost becomes too much to handle.
08/02/24•38m 50s
Do All Footballers Want To Be a Captain?
Joe has always fancied himself as a skipper so wants to know what attributes he needs to develop and ultimately what the perks of the job are. Patrick tells us about an incident whilst captain of Leeds that still haunts him to this day and discusses what it’s like to be captained by Harry Kane and John Terry, and whether he’d enjoy the style of leadership of someone like Roy Keane.
01/02/24•39m 12s
Patrick Challenges Joe to Prove He’s Good at Free Kicks
After weeks of hearing about Joe’s supposedly stupendous free kick-taking ability, Pat lays down a challenge which involves a trip to the Leeds training ground. Joe realises he might have bitten off more than he can chew and struggles to focus on anything other than getting some more tips for 5-a-side
and discussing footballers’ pre-match routines.
25/01/24•34m 53s
What Do You Need For a Good Run of Form?
Pat is having a good run in the Leeds team at the minute so Joe wants to work out what contributes to his impressive form and how to get through those barren spells as a striker. You’ll hear discussion about whether Joe pays attention to form as a comedian and how bad Erling Haaland’s form would have to be before Pep drops him from the Manchester City starting eleven.
18/01/24•36m 46s
Patrick Bamford’s Wonder Goal
After becoming an FA Cup icon, Patrick tells Joe all about THAT goal he scored against Peterborough and how Gary Lineker might be able to take some credit for the strike. Joe attempts to rank Pat’s volley against the greatest FA Cup goals from history and they discuss Pat’s return to the starting eleven at Leeds, and how a conversation with manager Daniel Farke sparked an upturn in form.
11/01/24•36m 49s
Giant Killings, Bonuses and Crap Pitches - The FA Cup
The FA Cup third round is a huge weekend in football so Joe discusses Pat’s giant-killing exploits in previous seasons and gets nosey about cup bonuses. Pat reveals how his new haircut was received in the dressing room at Leeds and why he’s obsessed with an app about shark tagging. Plus Joe reveals why his one and only holiday to the Maldives was a disaster.
04/01/24•34m 47s
How To Organise a Football Team Christmas Do
Joe can’t believe how the Leeds squad are planning to celebrate their Christmas party so gets stuck into the organisation and planning with Pat who reveals where they’re planning to go. He also gets in touch with club captain Luke Ayling to work out how the kitty is being built which includes fines throughout the season from the entire squad… which means Pat also gets interrogated on what behaviour at the club could result in a fine.
21/12/23•35m 47s
Joe on MOTD and Other Landmark Footballing Moments
Patrick begins this episode with a bone to pick with Joe regarding his footballing ability. Kalvin Phillips gets in touch with Joe who starts planning a celebration for when he scores his first professional goal. Plus they discuss the career-defining moments that all players experience on their journey to becoming a Premier League footballer.
14/12/23•38m 21s
Moving to Chelsea on Transfer Deadline Day
We’re back on track in this episode about transfers where Pat discusses how his move to Chelsea came out of the blue and gives Joe insight into the power dynamic between a club and a player during the transfer window. Joe discusses what was going on in his life at the same age Pat was moving to the Premier League giants and they discover there’s a lot more in common between the pair than they first imagined. Plus there’s further developments in the budding friendship including a revelation from one of Joe’s comedian mates.
07/12/23•37m 6s
Patrick Bamford’s 5-a-side Clinic
Joe slightly derails this episode in order to utilise the time he spends with his professional footballer co-host. After a crushing defeat, he wants to know what things he can add to his game to become a better player at the tender age of 48. Pat obliges with a couple of tips and tricks and we also learn something that Joe could never have imagined about the world of professional football, which only helps their friendship become stronger.
30/11/23•36m 24s
How Much Impact Can a New Manager Really Have?
After a confident start to Joe’s attempt of making Patrick his friend, discussion turns to the various things a new manager can change at a club. Having recently gone through the experience with Daniel Farke at Leeds, Pat reveals the rules the German gaffer has brought in, how Sam Allardyce chose to communicate with the squad and how well a team would cope if the players were left to rule on their own.
23/11/23•38m 2s
Can Joe Wilkinson become Best Friends with Patrick Bamford
In this first episode of the pod, Joe reveals his plan of how he will become best mates with a professional footballer. The pair discuss the importance of friendship and Patrick reveals who the most popular man in football is and whether it’s possible for Aaron Ramsdale to be friends with David Raya at Arsenal.
16/11/23•41m 13s
Welcome to My Mate's a Footballer
Joe Wilkinson wants to make footballer Patrick Bamford become his new best mate.
13/11/23•2m 30s
