Good Children

Today the boys discuss the timeless hell that is a sleepover. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky  

Happy Nude Year! After a life-changing three day visit to a Korean Spa in Los Angeles, the boys discuss the complications of being in touch with their own bodies, with stories from middle school to Melbourne, Australia. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky  

Merry Christmas to AWLL! Today Cindy Lou Who and The Grinch work it out on the remix before Joe and Andrew dive into their storied history with The Grinch. From elaborately themed experiential walkthroughs at summer camp, to unsolicited visits in college, all the way to the fateful Grinch impersonator that changed Snowchella forever. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky  

Today we're joined by the icon who made this podcast possible: Ilana Glazer. We discuss growing up on Long Island, weed-induced anxiety attacks, motherhood, working with your best friend, and Ilana's latest project; "Human Magic" out December 20th on Hulu & Disney+. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky  

Is it ethical to raise children under the threat of Santa Claus? Today we join Buddy the Elf and Santa Claws himself for a discussion on Santa Claus... the good.. the bad.. and the freaks! Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 40% off your first order. Terms and conditions apply. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE!! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella  FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky  

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here! Join us on Patreon for a bonus episode every Thursday night! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/50goodchildren and use code 50goodchildren to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping! Today we join Nora and Luther Krank as they prepare for the surprise homecoming of their grown-ass daughter Blair, who ruins their beautiful Virgin Voyages getaway. Then, we discuss, in deep psychological measures, what it takes to be a Christmas Caroler. We round out the episode by processing all twelve days of Christmas.

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here! Join us on Patreon for a bonus episode every Thursday night! 🏕️ GIVEAWAY ALERT! 🏕️This week, we’re taking you along on our getaway to Postcard Cabins in Machimoodus, CT— where we unplug and get back in touch with ourselves 🌲✨ AND, because we loved it so much, we’re giving THREE lucky listeners the chance to win a 2-night stay at a Postcard Cabin of your choosing! Here’s how to enter: Follow @goodchildrenpod, @andrewmuscarella, AND @joehegyes on Instagram. Tag your bestie in the comments below (they need to be following all three accounts, too!). 🏕️🍂Winners will be announced on December 4th on Instagram! Don’t miss your chance to cozy up in the cabin of your dreams. 🏕️🍂 Legal stuff: This giveaway is not affiliated with Instagram. Must be 18+ to enter. Open to U.S. residents only. Winners will be contacted directly from this account. No purchase necessary. Terms and conditions apply.

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets HERE! Today Joe explains why fish are birds, we discuss Thanksgiving as a concept, and the boys ideate on a new ice cream flavor that will change the trajectory of their lives. For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! Use code GOODCHILDREN at RocketRX.com for 40% off your first order: https://rebrand.ly/6615b2 HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella MORE: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK:  @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets HERE! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! RECORDED PRE-ELECTION: Today we discuss the technicalities of what it means to be a gay person, from coming to terms to coming out. Use code GOODCHILDREN at RocketRX.com for 40% off your first order: https://rebrand.ly/6615b2 HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella MORE: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren   FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK:  @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky

An early release for some much needed distraction right about now <3 Go out and vote if you haven't yet!  WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week, we have a very serious, very honest, conversation about the state of our friendship. 

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! Today, we’re diving into the wild aftermath of weekend debauchery—why we keep saying “never again” but somehow still show up in the same places every Friday night. We’re talking side effects of partying that nobody tells you about (hint: it’s not just the hangover) and The Hunger Games... again. 

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we listen to horror stories from our beautiful, sexy, gorgeous Patrons and then share a few of our own!

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!!  Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren!   For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod   This week the boys sit down to discuss taking a sick day, something they haven't done since May 4th, 2022. Andrew breaks down his will to cheat in religious education, then takes Joe to confession.

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! PRESALE CODE ON PATREON!Chicago, Indianapolis, & Madison, you're up firstGet your tickets here! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month. Get ready to SWEAT, this week we’re talking about Charli xcx, Troye Sivan, and other dynamic duos. We also get into our own personal best friends, sharing stories and reflections on relationships outside of each other for once. Plus, Andrew shares some trauma. Use code goodchildren50 at factormeals.com/goodchildren50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month!

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod This week, Agatha Cromwell sits down with her granddaughter Marnie Piper for the first time publicly since 2004 in a shockingly tense, no-holds-barred conversation about the state of their family, the nation, and their future, mere weeks before Agatha is doomed to leave this mortal realm forever. Marnie reveals Agatha was a combative and difficult coworker, Agatha reveals the unbelievable truth about not only Marnie's father but also her grandfather. Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 20% off your first order!

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month @ goodchildrenpod! We're talking about fall/Gilmore Girls/apple picking for the third consecutive year in a row but this time our opinions fall into a slightly more controversial category. Is apple picking really worth the hype? What exactly does it mean to pick a pumpkin? Is Rory Gilmore apolitical? All this and more. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.com/GOODCHILDREN. For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh.com/freegoodchildren. FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: goodchildrenpod FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK:goodchildrenpod

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we're joined by the iconic Yasmine Sahid for a discussion on Disney Channel and destiny. In what has been described, by us, as the best episode of the podcast, Yasmine recounts auditions as a child, the expectations vs. reality of moving to LA, and her most toxic job.  Upgrade your wardrobe with pieces made to last with Quince. Go to Quince.com/goodchildren for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.   

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we discuss the trials and tribulations of early college years. From standardized testing to public bathrooms, messy roommates, and everything in between. For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh.com/freegoodchildren! Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 20% off your first order!  

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we take you on a retrospective of some of our favorite family vacations, including the fateful trip to Orlando where Andrew surprised Joe on his 14th birthday.  Be your most comfortable self this fall with MeUndies. Get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping, at MeUndies.com/goodchildren.   

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we are joined by the legendary man behind the greenscreen: Kelon Campbell, face of Terri Joe. We chat about growing up gay, doing scary things, vampires, ghosts, mediums, and Madonna.  Head to CRAPEYEWEAR.COM/GOODCHILDREN and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 25% off your first order! Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.COM/GOODCHILDREN! $45 upfront payment required (equivalent to $15/mo.). New customers on first 3 month plan only. Speeds slower above 40GB on Unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, & restrictions apply. See MINT MOBILE for details.

For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we talk about the diet culture of the 2000s that made us the insecure freaks we are today. From Weight Watchers to Jenny Craig all the way down to South Beach and Atkins. PLUS: another harrowing story from Andrew.  Head to CRAPEYEWEAR.COM/GOODCHILDREN and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 25% off your first order! Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 20% off your first order!

Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon! Today we just rank some fruit to be honest. Call in for advice or with a question at (516) 366-0826! Get 20% off your first order at MeUndies, plus free shipping, at MeUndies.com/goodchildren. Get free breakfast FOR LIFE, just by going to HelloFresh.com/freegoodchildren.

Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon! Another episode about bottoming what else is new? This week we cover some sensitive subjects about sensitive areas... PLUS: TikTok Shop, Crumbl Cookies, gooning, coconut oil, girth extenders, African Net Sponges, vegetables in orifices, Andrew's dating life, and proper hygiene. Call in for advice or with a question at (516) 366-0826! Go to Quince.com/goodchildren for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/goodchildren50 and use code goodchildren50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month!   

Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon. After discovering a new archive of home videos, Joe comes to the crushing realization that he is quickly hurtling toward the same age his parents were when they started having children. What follows is a chaotic, heavy, and strange conversation about the inescapable reality of getting older, just in time for Joe's birthday. Call in for advice or with a question at (516)366-0826!

This week is all about our favorite subject: food. We talk foods we love, foods we hate, our last meals, our most recent meals, and, randomly, imposter syndrome in your early 20s. Call in: (516) 366-0826 Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon!

Get access to BONUS episodes every Friday on Patreon! This week let's talk about weed induced psychosis! The boys share their most unhinged weed stories including hallucinations, Snapchat stories, and an ill-fated first date to The Hamptons. 

BONUS episodes every week on Patreon! This week we're joined by TV and social media star, Boman Martinez-Reid AKA Bomanizer, whose new comedy docuseries, "Made For TV" premieres on Crave on Friday, July 12th. Boman takes us on mental tour of Canada, reveals intimate secrets about condiments, makes us jealous of his performing arts high school, and finally solves the Alessia Cara mystery. 

BONUS episodes every week on Patreon! Take off your shoes and grab the rumplemintz, this week we go back to college to learn more about Andrew’s acapella experience. From an stress-inducing audition process to a devastating hazing ritual, it takes a lot to be famous on campus. Plus, we revisit our fourth grade chorus solo, Andrew’s major choir disaster, and Joe’s deeply troubling history of cover videos. 

BONUS episodes every week on Patreon! Use code GOODCHILDREN at RocketRX.com for 20% off your first order! This week we sit down with drag superstar, makeup mogul, and queer icon: Kim Chi. From Cracker Barrel to coming out, we cover the bases.

BONUS episodes every week on Patreon! It's Charli baby! Inspired by Charli xcx's Brat, this week we try something new: discussing our insecurities! Hang on tight because we get right down to the nitty gritty pretty quickly, but things turn around when we start discussing Andrew's soap habits. When ur in the mirror do u like what u see?! When ur in the mirror ur just looking at me!? We ask ourselves this and much more! 

*LIFE CHANGING EPISODE ALERT* Pack your bags, we're going on a road trip! Join us in the Catskills for a life changing 48 hours in nature. Be cheeky at a waterfall, experience arthritis in a Cracker Barrel, swat green flies on a playground, and talk about the possibility of life after death in the heart of the woods. BONUS episodes every week on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod If you have serious inquiries about places we can travel to for our next field trip, email us at goodchildrenpod@gmail.com. 

This week we take some hard-hitting phone calls from listeners about their LGBTQIA+ experiences. From nonbinary haircuts, surviving in a corporate workplace, Che Diaz, masc for mascs, all the way to a dog that might have the power to turn husbands gay. Plus: Andrew learns about Stonewall and the lip filler is finally addressed! BONUS episodes every week on Patreon! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. 

The boys celebrate 100 episodes of Good Children by looking back at some standout moments from the past two years of lore, including: Kelly Clarkson, the Italy tip, faking synchronizations, Panera Girls, and more.  Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod 

This week we're joined by internet darling and comedic genius, Jake Shane! It's a wild ride full of GIRLS references, Taylor Swift rankings, paying for dating apps on your dad's credit card, coming out stories, and more!  If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/GOODCHILDREN.  Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon!

This week, after a 20-minute long intro in which the boys roleplay interviewing for jobs, Joe and Andrew discuss their relationship to touch. Later, Andrew makes a shocking revelation that could change the duo forever. Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon!

Get in the sprinter van and get your neon facepaint, we're celebrating birthdays this week. After a quick catchup about Andrew's 28th, a Joechella power hour, and an extensive discussion on Nikki Blonsky, travel back in time to prehistoric 2018 and 2019 as we unpack two of the most chaotic Bushwick nights we've ever had. For more, join the community on Patreon! 

Celebrate our 2-year-anniversary with World Famous Drag Queen: Trixie Mattel! Hang onto your wigs as we unpack Joe and Andrew's long-time yearning to be drag queens, Trixie's views on podcasters, the concept of cacio e pepe, party and play, and more. For more, join the community on Patreon!  If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/GOODCHILDREN. Thank you to Spotify for having us in their lovely LA studios. 

Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! The boys discuss the summer going into 8th grade when they both signed up for football camp at Joe's future Catholic high school. After a day of trying their best to fit in, they uncover a dark secret about North Korea. Also: is it up to Good Children to save the Dippin' Dots Dynasty? 

Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! Let's take it back to April: Through The Years. The boys discuss important April pop cultural anniversaries including movies like The Hannah Montana Movie and Ella Enchanted and music like Taylor Swift, 

Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! This week join us on a retrospective through the hairy times of puberty and all that comes after it. from pube-plucking to eyebrow threading to back waxing. Plus, take a field trip with us to Alivio Wellness!  If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/GOODCHILDREN. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box!

Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! This week, the boys put on their professor hats and answer their own early-20s question: "Why Don't I Fit In With Gays?" Let's get deeply introspective about the plight of the newly-out gay man and all of the trauma, insecurities, and fears that go along with it. 

Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! Prepare to have your bones chilled as Andrew tells what he believes is a fun and silly story about his study abroad experience in our favorite country: Australia.

This week we let the listeners behind the microphones for a riveting Q&A running the mental and emotional gamut of the human experience. [Video will be returning to Spotify soon-- until then, all episodes are on YouTube!] ⁠Subscribe to Patreon for a bonus episode every single Friday!

Subscribe to our Patreon for a new episode every single Friday! (This week we're taking you on an extended trip to the cafeteria)! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off pre-prepared chef-crafted and dietician-approved meals delivered right to your door. Let's celebrate the rich cultural history of Ireland. From bagpipes to beer to Academy Award nominated actresses, and a chilling true story of Andrew's lessons in bagpipes this episode covers some of the most necessary facets of St. Patrick's Day. PLUS: learn to make a Shamrock Shake at home with us!

Join us on Patreon for a new episode every week! Embrace the most embarrassing moments of your entire life with special guests and iconic sister duo Drew & Deison Afualo! From falling at your band concert to collapsing in front of kickline to Peeta Mellark drag to getting hit by a car, you are genuinely guaranteed to laugh out loud multiple times in this very special episode! Thank you so much to Spotify Studios for letting us shoot in your beautiful space!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! This week the boys bring it back to the basics with a manic conversation on extracurricular activities. Enjoy a trip back to high school and all the trauma that comes along with it: from lacrosse locker rooms to DECA meetings.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off pre-prepared chef-crafted and dietician-approved meals delivered right to your door.  This week the boys have their most important discussion yet: ranking (sugary sweet) breakfast cereals. Join them on a journey to the center of the Cheerio with twists at every corner: buffet horror stories, an edible at Anything Goes, and the death of Sea World.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! This week the boys take a trip down memory lane to their very recent respective quarter-life crises. Whether you're selling international travel during a pandemic or editing videos for supermodels, there's always time to turn a new page and start a new chapter. So pull up your salmon pants and dive deep into the Curio Shop of life with us!

Join us on Patreon for a bonus episode every single Friday! Gear up for Valentine's Day with the only Valentines you need this year: your favorite podcast duo. This week, the boys discuss the season of love, curbing your dog, Carrabba's Italian Grill, and the deeply isolating experience of a queer childhood. PLUS: A walking tour of Massapequa Park and a chance to join Andrew on the worst Valentine's Day in history!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! Break out your burn books because this week the boys are taking you to Northshore High for a look back on all things Mean Girls (gender neutral). From the classic film that shaped American history to the movie musical that's shaping TikTok discourse to the random kids in high school that permanently shaped how we see ourselves, this episode runs the mean girl gamut.

Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! MYSTERIES! SECRETS! PHOTOSHOP! Sit down with Royal Hegyes for his first on-camera interview in ten years as the boys unpack what it means to truly reinvent themselves. Plus: return to Joe's 17th birthday party and hear directly from party guests as they give alibis and throw blame over who tossed several beer cans over the fence that host August night. ALSO: get answers on who rang our doorbell last Christmas.

⁠BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY ON PATREON! Today's episode is NOT FOR OUR MOMS!!! Let's talk the myths and lore and facts and fiction about gay sex. Everything from douching in public bathrooms to shoving water bottles down our throats at the lunch table in high school.

⁠BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY ON PATREON! Who would win The Hunger Games? Who would win a figure skating competition? Who would die in a Shakespearean drama? All these questions and more are addressed in our first truly miscellaneous episode.

BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY ON PATREON! Well it's over. Let's discuss our favorite parts of the past year, the most popular resolutions, and some of our biggest regrets.

Subscribe to Patreon ⁠⁠for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! After an agonizing three weeks of terrifying our beautiful good children with prosthetics and beating any subject relating to Christmas to an absolute pulp, the boys go for one last ride as Cindy Lou Who and Mayor Augustus Maywho. On this episode, they discuss their favorite things from the past year and try relentlessly not to sound like they're doing sponcon. Does Andrew eat a chocolate bar a week? Are Stanley Cups conservative-coded? Is Joe hotter as a Who? (Don't answer that).

Subscribe to Patreon ⁠⁠for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! The boys try to stay on theme this week by talking about TLC original series, but start with Lifetime original Dance Moms and then just decide to start telling random stories, INCLUDING: Joe almost getting stabbed (again) in 7th grade, Andrew's personal trainer quitting on him (again) in 10th grade, the (not-so) secret romance between Elvis-loving nuns, and more.

Subscribe to Patreon ⁠⁠for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! JUMPSCARE! The boys are back for a very special episode of the podcast featuring YOU! After watching Andrew DIY his costume and a lively discussion about their own Santa Claus journey's let's take a few calls from our listeners on the Nice List this year about the moment their creepy little polar express bell stopped ringing. PLUS: A disastrous Wendy's experience, a special guest appearance by Amanda, and more.

Subscribe to Patreon ⁠⁠for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! The boys set the holiday season off on the right foot by discussing some of their favorite Christmas classics, with a special attention to detail on Home Alone. PLUS: A peak into the archive for a very special iJoe holiday special, a life-changing trip to Wendy's, and more.

Join us on Patreon for a bonus video/audio episode every Friday! It's that time of year! Join Lorelai Gilmore and Sookie St. James for a retrospective on the controversial holiday of Thanksgiving. Whether you're a fan of the dog show, the Macy's parade, sp*rts, or just here for the food, you'll always have a seat at our table. PLUS: the BFB caller returns with an exciting update!

Join us on Patreon for an extra video/audio episode every Friday! This week, the boys discuss the complicated and difficult reality of best friend breakups, including the years of their lives when they weren't exactly best friends themselves.

The boys talk catered events and, more importantly, the food at those events. In their investigative journey they ask hardhitting questions like: Who do you think invented the fried Oreo? Why can't Andrew pee at a urinal? Why are funnel cakes so hard to eat? Why are weddings $200,000? Is James Charles OK? ⁠Subscribe to Patreon ⁠for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat!

The boys discuss the perils of modern dating, the terrors of dating in high school, the insanity of Andrew's type, the horrors of Joe breaking up with his high school girlfriend, the deep brokenness inside us all that shouts mercilessly into the void "YOU ARE NOT WORTH OF LOVE!!!!" and more!

Time for even more Halloween antics with a heavy dose of Four Loko. Reflect on the wonders of the Jersey Shore years, Andrew's too-good-to-be-true party story, a hypothetical home invasion, and more!

Let's celebrate Halloween with a spooky episode where we reflect on some of our favorite Halloween memories, audition for roles in the next live action Peter Pan, discuss SMEG appliances, dressing up for school, and immerse ourselves in a deeply theatrical game of FMK.

Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: ⁠⁠⁠fill out this survey link⁠⁠⁠. We’ll circle back with details soon! ⁠⁠⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- Christian Girl Autumn is officially in full swing and these two gabby queens have a lot to say about the subject. Celebrate the bountiful fruits of the autumnal harvest with hosts Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella as they explore the deeper meaning of the season, how they practice self-care, and challenge one another to take a leaf of faith towards achieving their dreams.

Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: ⁠⁠⁠⁠fill out this survey link⁠⁠⁠⁠. We’ll circle back with details soon! ⁠⁠⁠⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- Christian Girl Autumn is officially in full swing and these two gabby queens have a lot to say about the subject. Celebrate the bountiful fruits of the autumnal harvest with hosts Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella as they explore the deeper meaning of the season, how they practice self-care, and challenge one another to take a leaf of faith towards achieving their dreams.

Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: ⁠⁠fill out this survey link⁠⁠. We’ll circle back with details soon! ⁠⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- We're back to the basics this week with a deep dive into the archive! Watch in horror and glee as Andrew and Joe discover never before seen footage of their 11-year-old selves. But fret not, audio-only listeners (Billy Bob Joe), lay back, and feast as this audio guides you through new and exciting conversations about Littlest Pet Shops, potato salads at backyard barbecues, and the power of friendship!

Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: ⁠fill out this survey link⁠. We’ll circle back with details soon! ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- We're back to the basics this week with a deep dive into the archive! Watch in horror and glee as Andrew and Joe discover never before seen footage of their 11-year-old selves. But fret not, audio-only listeners (Billy Bob Joe), lay back, and feast as this audio guides you through new and exciting conversations about Littlest Pet Shops, potato salads at backyard barbecues, and the power of friendship!

⁠⁠⁠Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: ⁠fill out this survey link⁠. We’ll circle back with details soon! ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! This week the boys discuss the psychological ramifications of driving a car, including stories about Andrew driving Joe to meet his internet boyfriend in the middle of a pandemic, an incident involving french onion dip we’ll never forget, and a brief history of lines. 

⁠⁠Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link. We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! This week the boys discuss the psychological ramifications of driving a car, including stories about Andrew driving Joe to meet his internet boyfriend in the middle of a pandemic, an incident involving french onion dip we’ll never forget, and a brief history of lines. 

Learn all about our extensive work history, dream blunt rotation, toxic ex-friends, icks for each other, how to manage your anxiety, and more in this Patron-submitted Q&A!

⁠⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Learn all about our extensive work history, dream blunt rotation, toxic ex-friends, icks for each other, how to manage your anxiety, and more in this Patron-submitted Q&A!

⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys literally talk about wholesale clubs for 48 minutes straight. You're gonna love it.

⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys literally talk about wholesale clubs for 48 minutes straight. You're gonna love it.

⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Special guest Slayyyter joins the boys to talk about middle school trends, the price of fame, how her first time relates to Defying Gravity, the economic strains Webkinz put on families across the united states, and her upcoming album, STARF*CKER out on September 22nd.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Special guest Slayyyter joins the boys to talk about middle school trends, the price of fame, how her first time relates to Defying Gravity, the economic strains Webkinz put on families across the united states, and her upcoming album, STARF*CKER out on September 22nd.

⁠Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Is Staples gay? Is Darren Criss gay? Is the quest to be good a fruitless endeavor that will lead to general emptiness forever? The boys talk first impressions, first days of school, and their relationship to god in this week's totally normal episode of Good Children.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Is Staples gay? Is Darren Criss gay? Is the quest to be good a fruitless endeavor that will lead to general emptiness forever? The boys talk first impressions, first days of school, and their relationship to god in this week's totally normal episode of Good Children.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Things get spicy in this season premiere of the world's greatest podcast, Good Children. The boys talk about their most embarrassing encounters, memorable middle school experiences, and answer tough questions from listeners.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Things get spicy in this season premiere of the world's greatest podcast, Good Children. The boys talk about their most embarrassing encounters, memorable middle school experiences, and answer tough questions from listeners.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe plans his funeral, Andrew talks about getting bitten by a spider in Slovakia. The boys discuss their beliefs on death and the afterlife, childhood experiences with death in pop culture, whether or not they’ll be ghosts, and the high-camp drama of a funeral home.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe plans his funeral, Andrew talks about getting bitten by a spider in Slovakia. The boys discuss their beliefs on death and the afterlife, childhood experiences with death in pop culture, whether or not they’ll be ghosts, and the high-camp drama of a funeral home.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Andrew and Joe reflect on their trip to New Orleans for a bachelor party before pivoting to an impromptu q&a.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Andrew and Joe reflect on their trip to New Orleans for a bachelor party before pivoting to an impromptu q&a.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Try to keep your head on straight as the boys interview special guest Tefi! From childhood experiences, pop culture, the Osbournes, Robin Williams' passing, self-worth, inner child work, and Checkers milkshakes, no stone is left unturned.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Try to keep your head on straight as the boys interview special guest Tefi! From childhood experiences, pop culture, the Osbournes, Robin Williams' passing, self-worth, inner child work, and Checkers milkshakes, no stone is left unturned.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys investigate a cold case from 2013 in which 12 beer cans were discovered at Joe's 17th birthday party.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys investigate a cold case from 2013 in which 12 beer cans were discovered at Joe's 17th birthday party.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe and Andrew, discuss a variety of topics all relating to their love of food; from childhood memories of being rewarded with garlic knots at basketball games to a very passionate conversation about the quality of Chipotle’s chips. They discuss their undying love for Taco Bell (despite the controversy), rank fast food burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries, chat about In-N-Out, get brutally honest about Shake Shack, and more. 

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe and Andrew, discuss a variety of topics all relating to their love of food; from childhood memories of being rewarded with garlic knots at basketball games to a very passionate conversation about the quality of Chipotle’s chips. They discuss their undying love for Taco Bell (despite the controversy), rank fast food burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries, chat about In-N-Out, get brutally honest about Shake Shack, and more. 

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Did you know Andrew accidentally signed himself up for military camp? Joe interviews Andrew about his experiences at Boys State, a summer leadership program for high school students. They talk about the strict and disciplined environment, physical training, and psychological aspects of the program. Andrew reflects on the nationalist agenda of the camp and the impact it had on him. It's insane.

Subscribe to our Patreon⁠ for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠. Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Did you know Andrew accidentally signed himself up for military camp? Joe interviews Andrew about his experiences at Boys State, a summer leadership program for high school students. They talk about the strict and disciplined environment, physical training, and psychological aspects of the program. Andrew reflects on the nationalist agenda of the camp and the impact it had on him. It's insane.

Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠HERE⁠. But it’s rainy!!!!! Andrew thinks he has schizophrenia, Joe thinks he has binocular vision dysfunction, and we all think Cadet Kelly was gay. IT’S A RAINY DAY! Let’s reminisce about childhood memories, being the worst possible camp counselors on earth, playing pretend at Joe’s house, and our love for the queer-coded Disney Channel Original Movies of the early 2000s. 

Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more ⁠HERE⁠. But it’s rainy!!!!! Andrew thinks he has schizophrenia, Joe thinks he has binocular vision dysfunction, and we all think Cadet Kelly was gay. IT’S A RAINY DAY! Let’s reminisce about childhood memories, being the worst possible camp counselors on earth, playing pretend at Joe’s house, and our love for the queer-coded Disney Channel Original Movies of the early 2000s. 

Subscribe to our Patreon! Have you ever been on a road trip that changed your life? In today’s episode of Good Children, we take a trip down memory lane to our 2012 trip to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. From John Green, to the dawn of Instagram, to Machine Gun America, this episode is quintessentially American (and that’s not a good thing)! Not to mention Andrew’s drag debut, pool trauma, the OceanGate submersible sort of, and a retelling of the infamous sh*t plate story. 

Subscribe to our Patreon! Have you ever been on a road trip that changed your life? In today’s episode of Good Children, we take a trip down memory lane to our 2012 trip to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. From John Green, to the dawn of Instagram, to Machine Gun America, this episode is quintessentially American (and that’s not a good thing)! Not to mention Andrew’s drag debut, pool trauma, the OceanGate submersible sort of, and a retelling of the infamous sh*t plate story. 

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠! Are you tired of feeling like you have to fit in with the cool kids? Well, in this episode of "Good Children," the boys are spilling the tea on all the crazy peer pressure they've faced over the years. From feeling obligated to wear salmon shorts to trying drugs for the first time, they've been through it all. Grab your headphones and get ready to laugh and learn as Andrew & Joe take you on a journey through the wild world of peer pressure. Remember, it's always better to be true to yourself than to try to fit in with the crowd!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠! Are you tired of feeling like you have to fit in with the cool kids? Well, in this episode of "Good Children," the boys are spilling the tea on all the crazy peer pressure they've faced over the years. From feeling obligated to wear salmon shorts to trying drugs for the first time, they've been through it all. Grab your headphones and get ready to laugh and learn as Andrew & Joe take you on a journey through the wild world of peer pressure. Remember, it's always better to be true to yourself than to try to fit in with the crowd!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod⁠! It's time to tell the story of how we almost broke up. In this very special episode of the Good Children, Joe and Andrew discuss the codependence in their friendship that almost ended in disaster on a trip to Shelter Island. Get ready for a heinous experience at the beach, a backyard party that spun out of control, and a fight so major it made the boys realize just how codependent they truly were. 

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod! It's time to tell the story of how we almost broke up. In this very special episode of the Good Children, Joe and Andrew discuss the codependence in their friendship that almost ended in disaster on a trip to Shelter Island. Get ready for a heinous experience at the beach, a backyard party that spun out of control, and a fight so major it made the boys realize just how codependent they truly were. 

Welcome to the land of transformations! From bagels to bodies, the boys cover what it means to change for the better (or, at least, for good). We talk Abercrombie's rebrand, the desire to #MCM, and feeling like a perpetual "before" picture.

Welcome to the land of transformations! From bagels to bodies, the boys cover what it means to change for the better (or, at least, for good). We talk Abercrombie's rebrand, the desire to #MCM, and feeling like a perpetual "before" picture.

Today we discuss everything in life we hate! From men who run shirtless to paper straws to being the first person to slice a birthday cake, this episode is a nonstop hatefest of fun.

Today we discuss everything in life we hate! From men who run shirtless to paper straws to being the first person to slice a birthday cake, this episode is a nonstop hatefest of fun.

MITCHIE, WAKE UP! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! Celebrate the final weeks of school with your favorite boys as they unpack board game days, the trauma of a slip and slide, and have a slightly major breakthrough about the past 22 years of their friendship.

MITCHIE, WAKE UP! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! Celebrate the final weeks of school with your favorite boys as they unpack board game days, the trauma of a slip and slide, and have a slightly major breakthrough about the past 22 years of their friendship.

*CORPORATE VOICE* We would love to walk you through our professional resume starting with 2008 for Joe's first job as a counselor in training and Andrew's tenure "employed" by his parents. From summer camp disasters to ice rink days off, we've shared a varied history of working together. This week, we unpack the layers of what it means to mentor 11-year-old boys as a 13-year-old boy, the Brown University Board of Admissions process, the mechanics of a lawn mower, and why every social media manager is gay. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on Instagram, TikTok, & Twitter. Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok. Follow Andrew on Instagram.

*CORPORATE VOICE* We would love to walk you through our professional resume starting with 2008 for Joe's first job as a counselor in training and Andrew's tenure "employed" by his parents. From summer camp disasters to ice rink days off, we've shared a varied history of working together. This week, we unpack the layers of what it means to mentor 11-year-old boys as a 13-year-old boy, the Brown University Board of Admissions process, the mechanics of a lawn mower, and why every social media manager is gay. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠.

Oh jeez. Things get serious in this week's conversation about body image. From the shows that taught us to crash diet to the people who told us we weren't good enough, this episode covers a lot of difficult topics we simply don't have the answers to! Joe and Andrew unpack their relationships to their bodies, their privilege, and their minds. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠.

Oh jeez. Things get serious in this week's conversation about body image. From the shows that taught us to crash diet to the people who told us we weren't good enough, this episode covers a lot of difficult topics we simply don't have the answers to! Joe and Andrew unpack their relationships to their bodies, their privilege, and their minds. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠.

Happy 1 year of Good Children! How do you find confidence? How do we return to the level of delusion we had when we believed we'd be model scouted in a mall at 12 years old? What's Julia Fox's go-to Subway order? Sit down with the legendary artist, icon, and Italian, Julia Fox as Andrew and Joe explore the psychological damages done by putting themselves out there as children and the emotional rewards received when those risks pay off. We talk Julia's middle school experiences as a goth cat girl, high school in Northern Italy, and the side-effects of fame in this EXTREMELY MAJOR episode. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠.

Happy 1 year of Good Children! How do you find confidence? How do we return to the level of delusion we had when we believed we'd be model scouted in a mall at 12 years old? What's Julia Fox's go-to Subway order? Sit down with the legendary artist, icon, and Italian, Julia Fox as Andrew and Joe explore the psychological damages done by putting themselves out there as children and the emotional rewards received when those risks pay off. We talk Julia's middle school experiences as a goth cat girl, high school in Northern Italy, and the side-effects of fame in this EXTREMELY MAJOR episode. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠.

Get ready for an emotional reunion special of FarmVille Moms featuring the beloved Debra Rollatini and Linda Russo! These two best friends turned business moguls captured the hearts of millions with their hit reality show in the early 2010s, but after a decade of silence, they are finally back together to address the long-standing rift in their friendship. Join us as we witness the heartwarming reunion of these two iconic women, and see if they can put their differences aside and rekindle their once-unbreakable friendship.

Why is Catholicism so depressing? Why is the Easter Bunny 6-feet-tall? Why does Andrew keep getting pinkeye? In today's very special episode, the boys dive into the childhood trauma of egg hunts, child stars, and what they imagine Jesus might be like if he was in the room with them today. Whether you're a repressed former Catholic, a practicing Christian, a pagan witch, Jewish and happy, or experiencing spiritual-psychosis, this episode has something for everyone!

Why is Catholicism so depressing? Why is the Easter Bunny 6-feet-tall? Why does Andrew keep getting pinkeye? In today's very special episode, the boys dive into the childhood trauma of egg hunts, child stars, and what they imagine Jesus might be like if he was in the room with them today. Whether you're a repressed former Catholic, a practicing Christian, a pagan witch, Jewish and happy, or experiencing spiritual-psychosis, this episode has something for everyone!

You know her finger. You know her journal. Do you know the girl? Our FIRST EVER GUEST Mackenzie Thomas takes us on an introspective retrospective of her childhood sexual awakenings... from Mike Wazowski to Bill Hader (and everything in between).

You know her finger. You know her journal. Do you know the girl? Our FIRST EVER GUEST Mackenzie Thomas takes us on an introspective retrospective of her childhood sexual awakenings... from Mike Wazowski to Bill Hader (and everything in between).

Bratz. Max Steel. ZhuZhu Pets. Scented Shrek Dolls. Today's episode is an interactive experience with some of the toys that raised us. Why do Boy Bratz give Bushwick twink? Why is Max Steel a circuit gay? Why did Joe put the cursed Shrek sunflower in his mouth again? Unpack the trauma of Toy Story, Chucky, and American Girl Doll Horses with us this week.

Bratz. Max Steel. ZhuZhu Pets. Scented Shrek Dolls. Today's episode is an interactive experience with some of the toys that raised us. Why do Boy Bratz give Bushwick twink? Why is Max Steel a circuit gay? Why did Joe put the cursed Shrek sunflower in his mouth again? Unpack the trauma of Toy Story, Chucky, and American Girl Doll Horses with us this week.

We made it to graduation day! 12th grade brings new hopes, dreams, and fears as Joe and Andrew sort every iconic American chain restaurant on the Kinsey Scale. Why were we made to believe college admissions counselors were stalking our Facebook albums? Why was Andrew dressing like a 60-year-old father of 3? Were we bad children the whole time?

We made it to graduation day! 12th grade brings new hopes, dreams, and fears as Joe and Andrew sort every iconic American chain restaurant on the Kinsey Scale. Why were we made to believe college admissions counselors were stalking our Facebook albums? Why was Andrew dressing like a 60-year-old father of 3? Were we bad children the whole time?

Let's find out why Joe's emotionally stunted and never learned to drive and the official definitive ranking of every Lindsay Lohan movie ever in this episode all about 11th grade! (Sorry for the reupload)!

Let's find out why Joe's emotionally stunted and never learned to drive and the official definitive ranking of every Lindsay Lohan movie ever in this episode all about 11th grade!

Things take a dark and scary turn in 10th grade for Joe and Andrew. Between fatphobic lacrosse coaches and homophobic theology teachers, the boys learn more about each other than they ever knew possible in this introspective deep dive into some stories you know and love-- and some you'll wish you could forget.

Things take a dark and scary turn in 10th grade for Joe and Andrew. Between fatphobic lacrosse coaches and homophobic theology teachers, the boys learn more about each other than they ever knew possible in this introspective deep dive into some stories you know and love-- and some you'll wish you could forget.

Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors it's the morning of your very first day. Today's episode is all about ninth grade!!!! Freshman year is host to so many firsts, embarrassing moments, and learning lessons. For Joe, it was time to become a guido (and join The Order of the Phoenix). For Andrew, it was time to become a jock (and stan Katy Perry). Let's reflect on the wonderful woes of being 14 years old in 2010 and all of the drama, missed connections, and body dysmorphia that comes along with it!

Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors it's the morning of your very first day. Today's episode is all about ninth grade!!!! Freshman year is host to so many firsts, embarrassing moments, and learning lessons. For Joe, it was time to become a guido (and join The Order of the Phoenix). For Andrew, it was time to become a jock (and stan Katy Perry). Let's reflect on the wonderful woes of being 14 years old in 2010 and all of the drama, missed connections, and body dysmorphia that comes along with it!

What do you think would happen if we never met? Joe and Andrew explore the very dark and troubling possibility of being total strangers meeting in their mid-20s for a drink on Valentine's Day. Enjoy this departure from Good Children's usual programming in which the boys genuinely do an hour long improv with minimal editing and get progressively drunker.. how decadent!💕

Let’s celebrate Valentine’s Day the only way we know how: candy, stuffed animals, and a general sense of impending doom for the world. Joe and Andrew dive deep through four categories of their February 14th’s: elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Learn more about the boys first girlfriends and first rejections, the importance of mailbox valentines in 4th grade and the unseriousness of feeling lonely. We’re all gonna die, so let’s treat ourselves like someone we love!

It's 2009: FarmVille, Flash Mobs, Hannah Montana and homophobia were all the rage. We're beginning to say goodbye to our childhood and prepare for high school with the rise of Glee, Gaga, and Picnik. Join Good Children on the journey of self-awareness and self-deprecation as Joe and Andrew dive deeper into the final troubling times of middle school: 8th Grade. 

Let's take it to 2008 for a second and dissect the very alarming reality of growing up (whether you want to or not). Stretch marks, being 12 at Retro Fitness, the 5 gum trade, pulling up your pants, getting scoobed, playing with toys in a godly way, and more. 

It's 2007: Harry Potter is ending, the iPhone is born, and Joe and Andrew take their very first steps into middle school. Today's episode is all about the trials and tribulations of SIXTH GRADE, including, but not limited to: Thursday afternoon fights at Gino's pizzeria, body odor, rainbow rockets, Webkinz, Aeropostale, milk for every meal, the birth of cell phone culture, Miley's pregnancy rumor, giving sixth graders power tools, Axe body spray, and more nauseating experiences from one of the worst years of our lives.

The boys are back with a special 80-minute season 2 premiere! Let's learn to put ourselves out there together: from using the internet to gain noteriety as a middle scholer to dealing with bullying and humiliation in high school, this episode gets traumatic. The boys talk about body image, their first gay dates, their most embarrassing moments, childhood crushes (Sharkboy), fear of rejection/failure lol, and the full-body experience of an elementary school assembly. Come for the jokes, stay for the 5-step program on how to be your authentic self in situations where it might seem fully impossible!

Surprise! The boys are back for the holidays with a reflective, weirdly sad, totally kooky Christmas special! Unpack Joe's Grinch fetish, desperately try to hear the ringing bell from the polar express, and learn to believe all over again in this special installment. 

The time has come to share the most important night of our lives with you: Good Children: LIVE! Join the crowd at Good Children's first ever live show in this very special season finale! OK so FINE, we talk a lot about Thanksgiving, but the sentiments still stand a few weeks later. Laugh, cry, learn what dreams are made of, and cherish every moment like this. Thank you all for a great season 1, we'll see you next year.

In their *actual* penultimate episode of Season 1, the Good Children reflect on the trends that made them who they are and the ones they wish they could forget. From Silly Bandz to Pillow Pets to Andrew's very first Webkinz, "Shinning star." Reflect on a season of heartwarming memories, a lot of self-indulgent growth talk, and moments we'll literally keep like a photograph and hold in our hearts forever. Whether you popped out the lenses of Disney 3D glasses to look like a hipster or wore Von Dutch as a young child, this episode has something for everyone. We've come a lawwwwwng way from where we've begun and we'll tell you AWLLLL about it when we see you again for Season 2 (but don't forget to check back next week for our LIVE EPISODE). 

The boys talk reinvention (Royal Era), letting go, New York City, and being teenage drama queens on this penultimate episode of Good Children. Joe and Andrew walk through the days they spent longing to be cool/thin/hot/rich/famous/etc. and wandering around the city trying to impress everyone while no one paid attention. Andrew's a Maxxinista, Joe's longing for longing, Jill's back, and everyone wants to put a stop to Rose's Pizza.  

The boys get down and dirty on this educational episode of Good Children. Stories range from near-death encounters on the middle school bridge to learning about sex from fan fiction. Joe and Andrew get deep about their intimacy problems and beg the question: do we ALL have sex issues? All this and more. 

BUCKLE UP FOR A HEAVY EPISODE. The boys talk self-loathing, guilt, shame, being the Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift, Andrew getting taken to the Honor Council, lying, fessing up, breaking down, binge eating, and more in this deeply psychological episode of Good Children. PLUS: A FULL Midnights review. 

You’re invited to a JOE HEGYES HALLOWEEN PARTY. Bring out the marshmallow mummies, fire up the smoke machines, get to work on your costume, because stakes are HIGH. On this VERY SPOOKY EPISODE of Good Children, Andrew and Joe walk through some of their favorite Halloween memories (including every costume they’ve literally ever done). Halloweentown was gay representation, Joe was problematic, and we ALL love Brenda Song. 

On this very viral episode of Good Children, the boys travel back to the dawn of time and a land before TikTok: the internet in the late 2000s. From Farmville to Facebook to Grape Lady Falls, Joe and Andrew explore the holy times of performance on the early internet. After unpacking the deep psychosis of Andrew's acapella days, the boys react to a few of their videos #FromTheVault. PLUS: live show planning, LGBTQIA* allyship lessons, and more.

Get your permission slipped signed, it’s time to go on a field trip with Good Children! In this hyper-descriptive episode, Joe and Andrew walk you through some of the most memorable experiences they’ve ever had— all involving trips. From running for Mayor in 5th grade (you’ll never guess who wins), to risking your life for a school play (you’ll never guess who’s driving the car), to enjoying a stay at Universal Orlando Resort, this episode as it all.

Surprise: we're officially on Patreon! We're excited to share a side of us you don't normally get on the pod and have the chance to work closely with our listeners on creating the BEST content yet. This is a clip from "bad influences," our first Patreon-exclusive series where we get a littttttle tipsy on camera. The cuts are slower, the vibes are chiller, and the stories are even more vulnerable. Check out the full episode at the link in our bios!

In today’s VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, join Andrew and Joe in Joe’s childhood home as he dog sits on Long Island for the weekend. The boys cover everything from Grindr in your hometown to girls who had ferrets as pets. Whether you self-identified as Jay Gatsby in high school or believe you could win a verbal argument with a pigeon, this episode has something for everyone: from Long Island culture to ghosts caught on camera. Come one over and sit a spell as Joe struggles to tame a 6-month-old puppy and Andrew silently suffers from digestive trauma. 

In this reflective episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe journey through the moments in their life they tried their hardest to be the best little boys in the world. From a Cub Scouts cheating scandal to a religious education chocolate bar MLM to praying the gay away, the boys come to realize that only shooting stars break the mold. For the first time ever, Joe and Andrew tell their long-requested coming out stories.

WE'RE DOING OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW ON NOVEMBER 22ND AT THE BELL HOUSE IN BROOKLYN. CHECK INSTA FOR MORE DETALS! - Who do you have for AP Bio? Are you dressing up? Should we audition for the musical this year? It’s the first day of school for our Good Children and things get weird fast when Andrew confesses his genuine love of math. This episode is essentially a trauma dump of Andrew fighting his teachers sprinkled in with some good old fashioned nostalgia. The bus is here, gtg! 

Pumpkins, fawlling leaves, the prowess only a flannel can bring, republican energy. It’s officially fawll at Good Children HQ and the boys are inviting you to share in their seasonal spirit. From pumpkin picking photoshoots to the clown epidemic of 2016 to dressing up in full drag to go to Disney as an adult, Joe and Andrew unpack it all. Come along on a $15 hayride and practice your dynamic lumbar stretches as we prepare to pick the hottest pumpkin in the patch!

Ask box is officially open! Join Andrew and Joe as they get HONEST when answering YOUR questions. Ponder life’s greatest mysteries like: Lizzie McGuire or That’s So Raven? What does Andrew love about Joe? When did Joe first listen to Taylor Swift? And more! Things get emotional, things get comical, and things get a little too serious on this week’s Good Children!  

Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella were so pretty and so smart and got good grades and dated all the popular boys in high school. Ppl in their school TOTALLY HATED THEM so they planned to lock them in a closet forever. Unless you send this message to 10 other people, they will come to your room tonight and harmonize. They will show up every night. You have seven minutes to send this. LOLJK! In this very SCARY episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe unpack some of their earliest fears, and a few fears they have today. Ranging from chain messages to intimacy, basements to rejection, no holds are barred. 

You walk into a Long Island catering hall, there’s fried calamari, wyd? Celebrate our Sweet 16 with a look back on some of our more memorable Sweet 16 experiences, a polite conversation about Debby Ryan, and an emotional candle ceremony celebrating all of our favorite people. An introspective journey into the psyche of “LMFAO,” an inspiring call to action to bring back Bump Its, and the mortifying ordeal of being watched at a wedding. It’s a celebration fit for Good Children and YOU’RE invited. 

Susan Boyle, Balloon Boy, Joe’s wart doctor… the stars align on this very nostalgic episode of Good Children! Andrew and Joe talk headlines and trends that had them glued to their TVs and abusing frozen yogurt topping bars. BeReal about chasing your dreams, negotiate the terms of your laundry service, finalize your Whale Rep application, and journey Into The Vault for more classic videos from the archive! 

OK sooooo this episode is about sports but not in a way that you will be bored/triggered/scared of. Joe and Andrew expose the seedy underbelly of sports through locker room trauma, halftime performances, Taylor Swift’s next album, and a weirdly sentimental speech on self love. Strap up your shin guards, put on your jockstrap, and get start praying for rain, because it’s time to play ball!

It’s another year around the sun for Joe! Celebrate the old fashioned way with nearly losing your life at a gymnastics party, exploring repressed middle school homophobia, technical difficulties and a fondant cake. Joe and Andrew talk birthdays then and now— and invite you along to the extravagantly themed party of your dreams! 

Life’s a stage and Joe and Andrew will do anything it takes to get into the spotlight. The Good Children vault is officially opened in this retrospect of life’s greatest performances. Andrew and Joe react to childhood videos, unpack movie theater trauma, and wonder what life would be like if they took a page from Troy Bolton’s playbook and pursued musical theater in high school. 

Wake up at 3am and get on your way to a traumatic flight to nowhere with Joe and Andrew. This week, the boys talk all things travel (and toilets). Fasten your seatbelts, stow all carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and don't forget to check in on your straight (gay) boyfriends as they explore the world of PrEP and Grindr.

Take a trip to the doctors office with Andrew and Joe. In this week's GOOD CHILDREN, the duo talks all things growing: from getting weighed in to getting checked out. You'll be instantly transported back to 7th grade health class, taken to a Pride party under a bridge in Williamsburg, and demand legal retribution for the cultural impact of Nicole Scherzinger. 

In this very special travel episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe take you abroad to the streets of Italy, where their lives have been forever changed by the Roman lifestyle. A discussion on Michelangelo's body dysmorphia, a revelation about toilet paper, and an honest look at American idealism. These good kids cover it all and more. 

In quite possibly the darkest episode to date, Joe and Andrew discuss the chilling experiences that filled their summer breaks. A glimpse into the psyche of two emotionally disturbed Spanx for Men-wearing camp counselors, a retrospective look at the Cold Stone Industrial Complex, a dip in the pool, a trip to the spa, and a hopeful glance forward into summers unwritten.

The truth comes out in the latest installment of GOOD CHILDREN. Andrew and Joe discuss the absolutely insane tall tales they've told over the years and get to the psychological root of why so many gays lean towards lying. From buying likes on Instagram to buying stock in an energy drink pyramid scheme, these Chatty Kathies leave no stone unturned in their proverbial pet cemetery of childhood stories. 

TV! Movies! Bulges! Joe and Andrew dive into the pop culture that shaped them on this episode of GOOD CHILDREN. Our hosts talk parental controls, Glee's impact on the global social and economic systems of the world, and Jason Earle from Hannah Montana. 

First dates, middle school crushes, and a DTF donkey.. Joe and Andrew talk all things relationships, romance, and emotion on this week’s GOOD CHILDREN. From coming out to fitting in, theater gays to straight girlfriends, Justin Bieber to Danny Phantom, no stone is left unturned in this sticky, sweaty, swampy episode. 

Things get tense in this week's installment of GOOD CHILDREN. Joe and Andrew explore several longstanding points of contention throughout their school years, as well as unpack the psychological terrors of standardized testing, the "time-out closet,"  and the pacer test.

After drinking 500mg of caffeine each, Joe and Andrew talk triple threats, late 2000s pop cultural icons, and the celebrities who made them who they are today through intense soliloquy and home videos. Andrew unpacks the trauma of his American Idol audition. Joe unloads his devotional love to Taylor Swift. Everyone seeks justice for Rebecca Black.

Underage drinking! Half-off apps! Sweet Sixteens! BBM screenshots! Joe and Andrew take you out from the comfort of their living room and Into The Woods on the sophomore episode of Good Children.

Childhood best friends Joe Hegyes and Andrew muscarella unpack the "trauma" of the late aughts mall experience: from the dark abyss of an Abercrombie & Fitch dressing room to the philosophical reasoning behind your food court selection. Come with us on a journey through time, space, and body odor to any given mall on Long Island. TREAT OF THE WEEK: Pop Tarts. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠.