Dr. Ramani ON: How to Spot a Narcissist & 3 Signs of Gaslighting in Any Relationship

By iHeartPodcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

12/12/22·1h 16m

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.

Today, I am talking to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She is an author of several books including Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist, and “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. The focus of Dr. Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations.

Dr. Ramani shares her studies about narcissism and our narcissistic tendencies. She and I talk about how our personalities define how we act with people and around people, why narcissists are resistant to change and to how deal with one, the truth about gaslighting and why it is so unhealthy to the person at the receiving end, and why we shouldn't misplace our hopes in others and instead place it on ourselves.

What We Discuss:

00:00:00 Intro00:03:11 When did narcissism become a study of focus?00:07:06 Narcissism is a very quiet condition00:12:45 Awareness and discomfort00:19:37 How do people end up with a narcissistic personality?00:26:25 Narcissists can be very attractive00:33:26 The concept of multiple truths00:36:40 Love bombing00:41:08 The real meaning of gaslighting00:47:05 Dealing with a gaslighter00:53:35 “I can change this person.”01:00:07 Ultimate healing from a narcissistic relationship01:04:31 Setting healthy boundaries01:06:49 Adopting narcissistic patterns to be able to fight back01:09:20 Misplaced hope

Episode Resources

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