Anthea Turner | How to Survive Divorce
Liz and Michelle are joined by presenter Anthea Turner to talk about divorce, including Anthea’s own, very public personal experience. They discuss how to deal with the rejection that comes with divorce and to put children at the forefront of every decision. Anthea suggests 'control your mouth' and never send toxic messages or emails. Divorce is painful but there is a long time after when you may be attending birthdays, graduations and weddings when you need to be in the same place at the same time.
Much of Anthea's advice is in her book How to Survive Divorce.
Although divorce rates are actually decreasing for the first time in decades, it’s still something that many women have to go through, particularly in mid-life once kids leave the nest. Liz, Michelle and Anthea discuss why this might be as well as the most common reasons cited for divorce, why it isn’t always 50/50 when it comes to assets and also the implications and impact on others including children as well as the differences gender make in how we cope with divorce emotionally and in the longer-term.
Our sponsor for this episode is Dr Elizabeth Hawkes, award-winning oculoplastic surgeon, eye expert and aesthetic surgeon. www.drelizabethhawkes.com
KEY TAKEAWAYS
The 5 reasons cited for divorce are adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, two years of separation with consent and five years of separation.Anthea Turner went through a high-profile divorce when she separated from Grant Bovey. They split after he cheated on her with a woman half her age in 2013.Mid-life, when children leave the home, can often trigger separation or divorce as well as any other changes in life such as moving, new jobs and even boredom!You have to look at your exit strategy and think about the impact it will have on the other side of the divorce.Research shows that witnessing high levels of parental conflict before during and after separation has a long-term impact on a child’s welfare. It is clear that reducing parental conflict and focusing on the best interests of the children is the single most important thing a parent can do when separating.Try not to make decisions that are emotion-based, which of course is incredibly difficult but you have to think about the impact acting in anger will have on the rest of your life and those around you too.If you are bored with your life, divorce probably isn’t the answer, you need to find ways to inject fun back into your life.Post-divorce, you can see the real impact a divorce has on those around you, it’s not always easy to see this clearly whilst in the midst of it which is why Anthea gives true insight on the best way to handle it.Anthea wonders if the publicity of her divorce meant that she behaved will more decorum than she actually wanted to. She was always thinking about how things may be perceived.You don’t have to behave like the guests on a reality show, if you and your ex can work at making things amicable it doesn’t just make life for your families and friends better but you will find life post-divorce less stressful and happier too.As women, we can use divorce to be transformative and work on ourselves, the best thing we can do is to build our self-esteem and confidence.BEST MOMENTS
“Never send anything you aren’t happy to see on the front page of the daily mail!”
“There’s all sorts of interconnecting parts to a divorce”
“The time after the divorce is for the rest of your life”
“Your softness is not weakness, it’s a strength”
“Life gets boring, you shouldn’t’ divorce your partner because of it”
“Sometimes fame works against you, sometimes it works for you”
“Confidence is the key to life”
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EPISODE RESOURCES
Anthea's book How to Survive Divorce.
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